The Substitute
by Connecticut Junkie
Summary: *NO Chapter- Author's Note only* Stars Hollow gets a new resident, one who’s perfect for Luke. Lorelai’s not jealous. Really. Not even a teeny, tiny bit. No siree, Bob. Okay. Maybe she is. Just a little. (Luke/Other, Luke/Lorelai)
1. Nice Running In To You

Author: Connecticut Junkie (CT_junkie@msn.com)

Title: The Substitute

Summary: Stars Hollow gets a new resident, one who's perfect for Luke. Lorelai's not jealous. Really. Not even a teeny, tiny bit. No siree, Bob. [Luke/Other, Luke/Lorelai].

A/N: Come on, I'm a die hard Java Junkie. The Other, she's just a Machiavellian tool. It's almost silly.

Rating: PG-13

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Chapter 1: Nice Running In to You

Lorelai was shopping at Doose's. Of course, that wasn't why Luke kept looking at the window. He wasn't waiting for her to come out. He had better things to do. Things like taking out the trash, he realized, coincidentally when she was leaving the market. And the reason he wasn't taking the trash out the back way, like he normally did, was because he needed the exercise that carrying it all the way around the building to the dumpster in the back alley would give him.

He wasn't doing all those things because he was still nursing his grudge. He wasn't about to crumble like some weakling; he had principles. He wasn't one of those forgive and forget kind of guys. 

He also wasn't looking where he was going. Something hard slammed into him when he stepped onto the sidewalk, knocking the trash bag to the ground, knocking him to the ground, and knocking whatever the something was to the ground as well.

Maybe it was a car, he thought as he looked up at the sky. One of the clouds looked like a cell phone. He grimaced at it. But cars didn't drive on the sidewalk, he reasoned. Unless of course, the driver was drunk. Or old. Maybe it was Mrs. Lanahan.

He heard a moan. It wasn't him, because it was decidedly female. It _could be Mrs. Lanahan. Great, he was an abuser of the elderly. He held his breath, waiting for instant karma to bite him on the ass._

"Ow." There it was again. He tried to lift his head, and saw garbage spattered about, like a mockery of a bloodied crime scene. Then he saw her.

She was sitting up, picking lettuce out of her blonde ponytail. Oh god. He knocked some poor woman to the ground. All because of his Lorelai tunnel vision. He got up, holding out a hand to help her do the same.

"I'm sorry," he tried to say as sincerely as possible. It might have been a little more effective if his hand didn't have some sort of milkshake remnant smeared on it.

The woman looked up at him, and he realized that he had no idea who she was. Sure, he didn't know _everyone in Stars Hollow, he wasn't the kind of guy who went around openly talking to every person he met, but with his business he tended to see a lot of faces. He'd never seen hers._

"It's okay. I think we were both at fault. Let's not report it to the insurance companies." She looked at his milkshake covered hand. He quickly wiped it on his jeans, then held it out again; this time, she took it. He helped her up, noticing her walkman lying on the ground, looking undamaged. He picked it up, wiped the coffee grounds off, and handed it to her. She was wearing a lycra tank top and bicycle shorts. Nice rack, he noted, because he was a guy, and no matter how many times they denied it, they always looked.

A jogger, he brilliantly deduced from her clothing and running shoes, and not one of Patty's troop. She took the Walkman from him with a small smile, inspecting it before strapping it back onto her arm. Luke noticed Lorelai was still across the street, avidly browsing an issue of Field and Stream at Bootsy's stand. 

"Ex or potential girlfriend?"

Luke had totally forgotten about the jogging lady. "What?" he said before his mind actually processed her question. He didn't blush, but he came pretty damn close. "Neither," he answered, too gruffly to be completely believable. She nodded, and twiddled the dial on her walkman. "So, uh, listening to anything good?" he asked, because he felt horrible about knocking her down and getting garbage in her hair, but behind the guilt he was still bad at talking to strangers.

"The ball game," she tossed off.

His eyebrows raised a little. "Braves vs. Mets?"

"Hell yeah." 

He told himself to ignore the little tingle. 

She found the station she was looking for. "Good. They're still ahead."

"Who?" he asked, since he was working and couldn't catch the game.

She smirked at him. "You got garbage all over me. I'm not telling you." With that, she resumed her jogging. Luke just watched her go, still a little stunned by the whole encounter. When she reached the intersection, she turned, jogging backwards. "Maybe I'll run into you again!" she called, before facing forward and turning the corner, disappearing from view.

Luke shook his head. A piece of tomato fell off his hat and landed on the sidewalk with a wet splat.

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Lorelai had seen the whole encounter. So had Patty, who'd been watching Lorelai peering at them while pretending to read Field and Stream. If it had been a cartoon, Patty would have been rubbing her hands together and snickering. Instead, she went back to her studio, thinking the next town meeting might be more entertaining than usual.

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-end ch. 1-


	2. Introduction of a NonNative Species, 'Bu...

Disclaimer: I forgot the disclaimer in the first chapter. Someone might actually think these people belong to me, and not the good folks at the WB and all those lovely producers. So let's get it straight: They ain't mine. If they were, you'd have an entire episode of Luke mowing a lawn with his shirt off. Maybe Jess would be helping him out. And Tristan, if he could sully his lily-white hands for a while.

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The Substitute, Chapter 2: Introduction of a Non-Native Species, _Bugus__ Jealousitis_

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Lorelai and Sookie were on their way to the town meeting, Jackson having opted to stay in his garden and play the squash a little ukulele music because he swore it made them grow better. Sookie swore it made him certifiably insane, but that was one of the things she loved about him. 

Lorelai wasn't thinking about squash. She was thinking about big breasted blonde joggers. In fact, she'd been thinking of one in particular for over a day now. Finally, she broke.

"Sookie, if I describe someone to you, do you think you could tell me who they were?"

"Ooh! Are we playing a Lorelai version of 20 questions?" 

"No."

Sookie looked a little bummed. "Well, you could try, I guess."

"Tall, blonde, big boobs."

"Pamela Anderson!" Sookie cried out.

"No!"

"Nicole Kidman!"

"Sookie, it's not a famous person. Don't you think I would recognize Pam or Nicole?" Lorelai shook her head. "She was jogging around the square and Luke ran into her. And Nicole Kidman's boobs aren't big."

"Luke's got a girlfriend?" Sookie asked, highly intrigued. That was a once a year thing, like taxes.

"No, Luke literally _ran into her. They both fell down, the garbage bag he had in his hand ripped open, it was a lot like watching Mr. Bean. Then they exchanged words."_

"Like angry Italian cab drivers?"

"No. They just talked like normal people who were covered in garbage. I don't know what they said, though. I couldn't hear them all the way from the newsstand."

Sookie thought about it. "The only people in town who vaguely fit that description whom I know are the exact same people you know. Maybe she's new."

Lorelai shrugged. "It's not important," she lied.

"Then why'd you ask me?"

"Because I thought it would make better conversation than telling you about my exciting afternoon spent planning my dream wedding to Batman. During the ceremony, the minister guy says, 'you may now kiss the bat,' and I lift his little mask up like a veil."

"He's wearing his costume to the wedding?"

"Of course!" They entered the dance studio.

"I always liked Aqua Man," Sookie admitted.

 "So who do you think she is?" Lorelai returned to her object of prior inquiry.

Sookie grinned. "Someone's jealous."

"I am not. I am curious."

"Is that what those crazy kids are calling jealousy nowadays? I can never keep up with their slang. Bad is good, cool is hot, curious is jealous…."

Lorelai cut her off. "I'm not sitting next to you," she threatened as they walked down the aisle looking for a row that had empty seats which weren't near people they didn't like.

"Sounds like a favor, not a threat," a voice behind her said. Lorelai froze in her tracks, and Luke almost knocked over two women in as many days.

Jesus Christ! Was he behind them the whole time? And hey! He talked to her! She was happy and terrified, though what he said did fall in the 'almost an insult' category. But he hadn't said it harshly…

"Wha…you…there," Lorelai sputtered like a broken sprinkler.

Sookie helped her out. "Did you just get here?"

"Yeah."

Lorelai felt the relief. It felt good. "You, uh, wanna sit?" There were three empty seats in a row. Kirk was in the row in front of it, but hey, beggars can't be choosers. "With us I mean, because of course you want to sit, you don't want to stand for the whole meeting because not only is it uncomfortable but Taylor would probably order you to sit and if you were standing it would take all the drama away from when you jump up out of your chair and shout how stupid something is."

Sookie nudged her. "Right now, you're the one shouting stupid somethings," she whispered. Lorelai shut her mouth.

Luke considered it. He could sit with her. It wasn't a big deal. It didn't mean he was grudging any less. It just meant he was sitting in a chair that was in close proximity to Lorelai's.

He sat. They sat. Silence sat down next to them, and brought his friend, Awkward.

"So…" Sookie tried.

Thank god Taylor banged his gavel just then. For the first time, it didn't annoy Luke.

The meeting came to order. Luke tuned out the crap that didn't immediately concern him, or violate his beliefs on what was silly, ridiculous, or superfluous. Blah, blah, lawn maintenance. Blah, blah, save the damn bridge. Luke suspected the reason the bridge always needed saving was because Taylor couldn't think of a better excuse for fundraising nonsense. Blah, blah, painting the gazebo. Blah, blah, new science teacher.

He picked at the frayed hem of his jacket and tried to ignore how good Lorelai's perfume or soap or shampoo or whatever the hell it was she used smelled. If he kept his eyes straight ahead, all he could really see was her left knee. That wasn't sexy. It was just a knee. Hidden under pants. Tight pants.

He shifted in his seat and tried to distract his rebellious thoughts. She'd hurt him with that fight, and he wasn't going to let her off that easy just because she smelled nice and had sexy knees. His friendship wasn't some doormat she could walk all over in her spikey high heeled boots. His train of angry thoughts derailed when the blonde jogging lady stood up near the front of the room.

The Braves had won, he thought to himself. He wondered if that was her team, and hoped she wasn't a Mets fan. The only thing worse than a Mets fan was a Yankees fan, and the only thing worse than a Yankees fan was the guy who peed in subway cars.

Meanwhile, Lorelai gave Sookie a not so subtle kick with her right foot, then made eye gestures at the woman. Sookie mouthed, "That her?"

 Lorelai nodded back. 

"She's pretty," Sookie mouthed again. Lorelai sneered at that, and Sookie caught it. She coughed. "Jealous." Lorelai smacked her lightly in the arm.

Luke had missed what Taylor had said. He started to lean over to Lorelai, then reconsidered. She paid less attention than he did. Odds were good she was envisioning the whole Bad-Acid-Trip-Tunnel scene from 'Willy Wonka' and figuring out ways to make it better, like adding monkeys or maybe David Cassidy to it. He leaned forward and asked Kirk, "Who's that?"

"New science teacher," Kirk answered. "She's substituting for the year; the old one's on maternity leave. Pay attention," he snapped. Luke gave him a nasty, 'one of these days I might kill you, and today just might be that day' look, but since Kirk was facing the front of the room, it went unnoticed. "She'd never go out with me," Kirk muttered in his pathetic, miserable loser voice.

"That I agree with," Luke said, and leaned back in his chair. He tuned into what Taylor was saying.

"And besides teaching our fine, upstanding Stars Hollow High students the physical sciences, Ms. English will also be the coach of the brand new, Stars Hollow High Ladies Softball Team."

"It's only been three decades since Title IX came out," someone sarcastically called out. Probably a feminist. 

"Well you can't have a team if there's no one interested in playing on it," Taylor rebutted.

"And no one's interested in playing if there isn't a team," the feminist retorted. 

Lorelai could see this would go on forever. "Yeah! Title IX!" she firmly supported, because it seemed to be the side Taylor wasn't on.

Taylor sighed. "Do you even _know what Title IX is?"_

"Of course I do, how can anyone _not know what Title IX is," Lorelai stalled. Damn Rory for being in Washington. Luke leaned over and whispered something to her. Bless his black, grudge bearing heart. "It's the law that requires equality between the girls and boys team thingies. Because girls can do anything boys can, only better."_

"Amen, sister," Patty added.

Ms. English or whatever the hell her name looked highly amused and a little frightened by the back and forth repartee. She went to sit down, but Taylor banged his gavel. "Do you want to address the town?"

"Way to put her on the spot," Lorelai mumbled.

"Well," Ms. English started, "I just want to say that I look forward to the teaching, and the coaching, and are all your meetings like this?" The townsfolk nodded their heads. "Okay, so I look forward to those too."

She didn't talk much, Lorelai noted. It reminded her of a certain restaurant owner she knew, who was definitely _not named Al. She swallowed the little lump in her throat._

Taylor nodded, satisfied by her short speech. "Very well. Any questions?"

Bootsy stood up. "Are you single?"

"You don't have to answer that," Taylor said, then added, "although we do have a lovely fundraiser in the spring, where the single ladies make baskets-"

"Twenty-five dollars!" Kirk shouted out. "First dibs!"

"A festival that is still eight months away," Taylor informed her, and proceeded to explain how Kirk was _not making a solicitation, and how the baskets are auctioned on._

Luke stood up and cut him off. "Are you a Mets fan?" he asked straight-out.

"Never," she answered back, quite firmly.

"Good," Luke said, and sat back down. 

Sookie nudged Lorelai. "I think he's in loooove." She kept her voice low so Luke wouldn't hear her.

"Shut up," Lorelai said in an equally low volume when she failed to think of a witty retort. Sookie smacked her on the arm. "What was that for?"

Sookie smirked and pretended to wipe something off her hand. "Oh, there was just a jealousy bug crawling on your arm. Good thing I got it before it bit you."

Lorelai saw the little smile tugging on the edges of Luke's mouth. When was the last time he'd smiled like that at her? Today was the first time in a while that he'd even talked to her in a slightly civilized manner. And what was he doing? Smiling and flirting and knocking over busty science teachers was _not the Typical Luke Danes Behavior Pattern. Lorelai frowned. "I'm not jealous."_

-end ch.2-

You know you wanna push the little review button and tell me if this is funny or stupid. (I'm such a whore for reviews.) C'mon make my day! Did I mention one of my dogs died? L  Yeah, you're pushing that button now.


	3. Jay and Silent Luke Strike Back

A special thanks to everyone who's letting me know they like it. It started off as such a silly idea that I wasn't even sure I'd get past the first chapter. You guys make my day ;)

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Chapter Three: Jay and Silent Luke Strike Back

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The mallowmar stash had been nearly depleted, a situation which called for immediate Doose's Market Action on Lorelai's part. She emptied Taylor's shelves of the delicious, choclatey marshmallowy goodness. On her way past the produce section, an area she spent zero time in normally, Lorelai spotted the new teacher. 

Lorelai was the kind of person who would talk to the people in toll booths for hours if she could. She wasn't going over to the peach display to talk to the lady just to prove her non-jealousy. She was friendly. Lousy Sookie.

Lorelai approached her. "Hi, I'm Lorelai Gilmore," she introduced, holding her hand out. 

The woman returned her polite smile. "Jay English," she said, shaking Lorelai's hand.

Lorelai's eyebrow rose. "Jay, like 'Jay and Silent Bob?'"

Jay nodded. "It's short for Jayne, J-A-Y-N-E, because my parents are freaks and thought that was clever."

Lorelai could sympathize. "All parents are freaks. One time, when we went to the circus, people were lining up and handing me quarters to sneak a peek at my mother."

"Really?"

"No. I made that up. My mom would never degrade herself by going to a circus. But she really is that freaky. Speaking of freaky, I was the new girl in town about ten years ago, so I know what you must be thinking about this place, especially after last night's meeting."

Jay smiled. "I wouldn't go with 'freaky' just yet; but it was definitely interesting. What's up with the guy who wanted to 'buy my basket' for 25 dollars?"

Lorelai waved her hand. "Oh, don't worry, that's not sexual slang or anything. That's just Kirk. He needs a girlfriend bad. There really is a whole basket-auction thing."

"Good to know. I thought I'd have to watch 'Oz' to find out what it meant."

Lorelai smiled at that. "So, besides Kirk, have you met anyone else? Miss Patty, Bootsy?" Lorelai wasn't going to say Luke. That was her subtle way of maybe getting Jay to mention the garbage incident and find out what they talked about. Not that she was dying to know if they'd made a date or anything; Lorelai was simply curious.

"Miss Patty's the drama queen?" Lorelai nodded. "Then yes, I met her. I walked out of my apartment building this morning and she snapped a picture of me. She tried to say it was for the newspaper, but for an acting teacher, she doesn't act very well."

"Must be for the men," Lorelai explained. "She used to have one of me that she passed around without my knowledge, then she tried to set me up with a guy who loved 'Ghostbusters.'"

"It's a great movie."

"He saw it 142 times. Probably more, since I last saw him."

Jay smirked. "At least it wasn't Star Trek."

Lorelai almost said a prayer. Not a Trekkie. Very good sign. She cursed though, when she caught a glimpse of the food, and she was using that term loosely, in Jay's basket. Soy cheese. Fruits and vegetables. A box of veggie burgers, not a trace of red meat. Oh, and gross, non-fat ice cream. How could it even be called ice cream if it didn't have any fat in it?

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Lorelai jumped. "That's it. Next time I'm out shopping, I'm picking you up one of those little cat collars with a bell. A nice, pink one." She turned to Luke. "Stop sneaking up on me!"

Luke looked miffed. "I wasn't sneaking up on you. I was shopping and you were in front of me."

"Yes, but if that basket had been a gun and this produce section had been a jungle, your actions would be called 'sneaking up on me.'"

"Speaking of the produce section, you didn't answer my question. You've never even set foot in it with the exception of that one time you arranged the bananas and kiwis into a lewd sculpture and nearly gave Taylor a heart attack before blaming it on the Collins kid."

"Oh, every one knows he's a perv anyhow. Why do you think I wanted him to get my basket and clean out my rain gutters? All I'd have to do is wear the daisy duke shorts and bring him some lemonade and he'd have done them for free."

Luke rolled his eyes. Lorelai's heart was fluttering, not in the romance novel way, but in that 'Yes! He's talking to me and it's almost like old times again!' way.

When Luke rolled his eyes, he seemed to finally notice the jogging lady behind Lorelai. "Oh, hi," he said.

"I hope you're not buying more lettuce for my hair," she said.

"Again, sorry about that."

Jay smiled. "Really, it's okay." She introduced herself, and ended up explaining the name thing all over again.

Lorelai shook her head. "You must have done that a thousand times in your life."

"At least."

"They should have given you a nice, easy name, like Lucas here." 

"Ah, so he has a name."

"Luke," he finally said, very firmly, stating the lack of the last syllable. "Not Lucas."

"Good to know."

"You could have just called him Oscar," Lorelai suggested. 

"I'm assuming you mean the Grouch, because of the whole garbage thing, and not Wilde. Because he doesn't look like a gay playwright." She turned to Luke. "You're not gay, are you?"

"What?" Luke looked like he was having trouble with the whole process of converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. "No, I'm not." 

"I don't know, Lukey, you haven't had a girlfriend in a while…and you do live with a young boy," Lorelai piped in.

"He's my _nephew!" _

Lorelai snickered. Luke was so easy to rile up. Jay smothered her laugh and smirked instead when she saw the dark look on Luke's face.

Lorelai decided not to push his buttons anymore, for today at least. She missed talking with him. "Luke owns the diner across the street," Lorelai informed Jay. "And the building next to it, which he seems to be doing nothing with."

"That's because you're only suggestion was to convert it into a roller disco," Luke pointed out.

"You don't know what you're missing."

Luke picked up a few peaches and put them in his basket. "I'm gonna leave now, before this conversation gets any stranger, _if that's at all possible."_

Lorelai shrugged. "I'm done too, so I'll follow you to the check out and make the eww-ing noises at all your food."

Luke sighed. "It wouldn't be a complete trip to the store without the noises." He remembered his manners. "Nice meeting you in the normal, non physically-violent way," he said to Jay.

She smiled and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Oh, I'm following you guys to the check-out. Lewd kiwis and roller disco? You rarely hear conversations of this caliber." 

Hair flip, Lorelai noticed. Was she flirting? Who did she think she was, with that long blonde ponytail, Barbie? Lorelai took a breath and calmed down. There was no reason to get worked up.

"Too bad you're not really getting the good stuff; we're a little rusty in the conversation area." They headed for the cashier. Lorelai snagged a giant bag of Twizzlers on the way. Everything's cool, she told herself. She leaned closer to Jay and stage-whispered, "He's _mad at me."_

"I'm not mad," Luke gruffly said, plunking his jar of wheat germ on the conveyor. Lorelai got in line behind him, and Jay behind her.

"Well, I said 'sorry' like a thousand, billion times. And all you said was 'fine.'" She turned back to Jay. "What does that sound like to you?"

"Sounds like he's still mad."

"Sure, take her side." 

"I'm not the one who knocked her over and got garbage all over her," Lorelai pointed out.

Jay groaned. "It wasn't totally his fault. And just how many people saw that?"

Lorelai shrugged. "In person, maybe ten people. But Miss Patty was one of the ten so by dinnertime, everyone had heard the story."

Luke's groceries were almost done and Lorelai started putting hers down. Jay couldn't help but ask, "Are you having a party?"

"Huh?"

"Ice cream, candy, cookies…"

Luke snorted. "That's not party food, that's her normal diet."

"Wow."

Lorelai groaned. "Great, I'm the yucky, unwanted, processed meat in a health nut sandwich."

Luke gave Jay's basket a surreptitious glance. Not only did he approve, but she seemed to eat better than he did. "If you ever come to the diner, there's a secret, healthy menu," he told her.

"Great," she enthusiastically replied. "I've already been to Al's Pancake World…" she let the sentence trail off. There was no need to elaborate.

Lorelai shuddered. "And to think, no one had even warned her about the lack of pancakes."

Jay nodded. "This town _is freaky."_

-end ch.3-

Is Rory coming back? Will Lorelai deny more than the government? Will Taylor restock the mallowmars in time? Stay tuned g


	4. 180Proof

A/N: Thanks again for the reviews! Since this is a short chapter, I'll be posting the next one as well. 

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Chapter Four: 180-Proof

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"I heard you had a talk with the new girl," Sookie said the next morning when Lorelai came in to work.

"Have you been calling Miss Cleo again?"

"Jackson and I ate dinner at Luke's last night, and Luke mentioned you three had an encounter at the market."

Lorelai was instantly curious. "What did he say?"

"That you'd end up killing yourself one of these days with the crap you eat."

"And?"

"Oh, you mean you want me to tell you what he said about the new girl."

"Jay."

"Her name's Jay?"

"Yeah." Okay, if Luke hadn't mentioned her name to Sookie, then he couldn't have said all that much about her.

"Funny name."

"Spill it, _Sookie."_

Sookie shook her head in mock exasperation and gave one of her soups a stir with a long wooden spoon. Lorelai quickly checked the burner to make sure Sookie didn't catch on fire. "He just said that the two of you were talking, and he came over and you all had a nice little chat."

"Luke said 'nice little chat'?"

"I don't know, I'm paraphrasing, I forgot my tape recorder." Lorelai gave her an apologetic look and motioned for her to continue. "So I said, 'oh, good, you two are talking again.'"

Sookie stirred the soup again. Lorelai was going to set the woman on fire herself if she didn't hurry up with the story. "_And?"_

"And he said something Luke-ish, like 'Yeah' or maybe he shrugged. I don't recall it exactly. Basically a 'no big deal' reaction."

"Are you sure it wasn't 'I couldn't care less'?"

"It lacked that hostile vibe."  
  


Lorelai let out a sigh of relief. "What did he say about Jay?"

"He said she was nice, and not half as insane as most of the people in this town, so she pretty much made a positive impression on him."

"Huh," was all Lorelai said as she analyzed that in her head.

Sookie pointed the wooden spoon at her. "That was a 'huh' of jealousy."

Lorelai glared at her. "Was not." She licked the creamy soup that was dripping off the end of the spoon. "Damn that's good." She licked it again.

Sookie groaned. "Now I have to wash it." The spoon was tossed in the sink, and Sookie turned back to Lorelai. "What did _you think of her?"_

"She was nice," Lorelai admitted. "Though she's almost like a female version of Luke. They both bought wheat germ. I don't even know what wheat germ is, I just know it's something that crazy health-food conscious people buy. Maybe it's a germ that infects people with the need to eat grains and forsake meat."

Sookie ignored the wheat germ tangent and decided to play her cards dangerously. "Sounds like they'd be a nice match."

"Jay and Luke?" Lorelai shook her head. "She doesn't like Star Trek." That was lame, she told herself. She made a mental note to build up her argument later.

Sookie shrugged. "I don't know…they both apparently share the same tastes in food, and sports, and she is pretty. She teaches science, so she's got to be smart, and Luke doesn't like stupid people."

"Nobody likes stupid people. Except other stupid people, but they don't count anyway. Some of them can't even _count count. Y'know, one, two, three." Lorelai knew she was babbling; but maybe if she babbled enough Sookie would forget what they were talking about._

"I still think it's worth a shot. So unless you have a _reason for opposing it, I think it would be a nice gesture of community to invite her to Rory's 'welcome home' party on Sunday. Half the town's going to be there anyway."_

"Why would I have a _reason?" Lorelai mimicked._

Sookie just gave her a sorrowful look. "I swear, you two are never going to get it."

That damn jealousy insinuation again. Lorelai crossed her arms over her chest. She was a big girl, and she could prove that she wasn't jealous. "I think it would be a great idea to invite her."

See, proof. Plenty and plenty of proof.

"And we can arrange for them to get locked out on the porch together, maybe get a little conversation going…"

"Why wouldn't they just knock on the door?"

"Fine, we'll come up with a better plan." A big grin lit up Sookie's face. "Just think, at their wedding toast, they can raise their glasses of carrot juice and say, 'We owe this all to Sookie'!"

The image of that scene in her mind made Lorelai queasy. "I hope you can hear them over the angel midgets singing and dancing under the giant mushrooms."

Sookie shook her head. "Never gonna let me live that one down, are you?"

"_Angel midgets under __mushrooms!" _

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end ch. 4

It's time to party…


	5. Jay English, Luke Raider

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Ch. 5: Jay English, Luke Raider

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Sookie was trying to get the crowd to be quiet. It was a task that was nearly impossible, as she stood near the front door and waved her arms frantically in an effort to grab their attention.

"Okay, Lorelai text-messaged me and they're five minutes away, so I need you all to just keep it down! It's not a surprise if Rory can hear you two miles down the road."

No one listened to her. Sookie grunted, and went to the kitchen. She returned wielding a pot and ladle, then clanged them together. That got everyone's attention.

"She's almost here, so lights out, voices down, and find somewhere to hide!"

Emily looked around. "I'm not getting on the floor."

"You can stay on the couch, then. Everyone else hide."

Richard spoke up from the chair. "I'm fine here."

Sookie rephrased. "Anyone not related to Rory by blood, hide." She noticed Luke come in the backdoor; he must have decided to leave the diner after all. Good. Poor Jay had been fending off Bootsy for the past half hour. Jackson had eventually engaged her in a conversation about organic gardening that kept the others away.

Luke walked around Sookie and into the living room. She grabbed his arm and veered him in the direction of Jay. "Over there," she instructed. He handed off a plate of brownies to her. 

"…and so, if you just make sure your compost has a seventy percent ratio of the same material, it makes better fertilizer. I mean, you can't throw any old thing on there and expect it to work!" Jackson was reaching epic levels of excitement. 

Jay was also excited, although no one could get as excited about organic fertilizing as Jackson could. "Do you sell to individuals, or just wholesale?"

"Wholesale, for the most part. But if you let me know what you want, we can work something out." Jackson looked up and saw Luke's looming presence. "Hi, Luke."

Luke nodded in greeting. Jackson stood up. "So, well, better get back over to Sookie now. Looks like she might need help in convincing Kirk to hide." Jackson left, knowing subtlety was not his strong point.

"He's nice," Jay said about the departed fruit and vegetable grower.

"Yeah, he's one of the better ones. Good fruit, too."

"Gotta love fruit." 

Luke wasn't comfortable with talking to new people one on one. He mumbled a 'see you later' but she grabbed his arm.

"You don't have to talk to me, but I'd appreciate it a whole lot if you pretended to, so that Bootie guy doesn't come back over here."

"Who, Bootsy?" He glanced around the room, where Bootsy was indeed, looking like he intended to make his way over. "I'll stay." To spite Bootsy, that was all.

"Thank you." She looked over his shoulder, where Sookie was waving. "I think she wants us to hide."

Luke turned his head. "I'm sure Rory already knows." But he complied, sitting on the floor next to the side of the couch. Jay sat down next to him. 

"Who is Rory, by the way? Lorelai invited me but I didn't get a chance to ask."

"Lorelai's daughter. Great kid. She went to some summer thing in D.C. I'm not really sure on all the details, but it probably had something to do with putting it on her Harvard application."

Jay's eyebrows drew together. Luke noticed her eyes were blue, but much paler and greyer than Lorelai's. Not that he sat around thinking of and memorizing the color of Lorelai's eyes; they were just a good color for comparison. "She's in high school? I thought Lorelai was my age."

"Thirty-three. She had Rory young, like my sister and her kid."

"The nephew who lives with you?" Jay recalled one of Lorelai's comments at the store.

"Yeah, Jess. Whom you might have the pleasure," Luke stressed that word with a deep amount of sarcasm, "of knowing since he goes to the high school. You teaching anything in the senior level?"

Jay nodded. "I've got two senior classes and three junior classes."

"He pulls anything, you let me know right away."

"Ah, one of _those kids."_

"You have no idea." Something she'd said earlier stood out at him. "How old are you?" Then he got uncomfortable. "Sorry. I always forget women have some thing about age. You don't have to answer."

"No, it's okay. Aging is natural." She smirked. "How old do I look?"

Luke shrugged and fixed his hat. "I don't know, I'm not very good at those things." If he had to, he'd say twenty-three. Which would make her thirteen years younger than him. 

"Twenty-seven."

Nine years. Slightly better. Not that he was thinking of anything…

He heard Lorelai's jeep pull up in the driveway, then voices on the porch. The door opened. 

Rory was in mid-sentence when Sookie flicked on the main lights and everyone jumped up, yelling surprise. Everyone except Luke, who wasn't the jump up and yell surprise kind of guy, Jay, because she was talking to Luke and hadn't noticed the door open, and Emily, who was on the couch listening to them talk. But also because she thought it was somewhat tasteless to jump out at a person and shout at them.

Rory gasped. "Ooh! A surprise party!"

Lorelai grinned and put her arm around Rory's shoulders. "Aren't you surprised?"

"Totally."

"Really?"

"No." Rory smiled at her mom. "Duh, like I didn't see you text messaging five minutes away from the house. You should have at least called and used code words."

"Or British slang. No one understands the British anyhow." She pushed Rory. "Go, meet and greet and mingle."

Rory went off to say hello to everyone. Lorelai supposed she should go over and talk to her parents. "Hi, Mom, Dad, glad you could make it."

Richard barely looked up from the paper he was reading, but he did give her a smile. "Well, Sunday night is generally the least social of nights, so we weren't busy."

"Lorelai, sit." Emily said.

"Hi to you too."

Emily leaned in close to Lorelai once she had sat. "Who is the Iceman talking to?"

Lorelai looked in the direction that Emily's eyes were trained. She saw Luke and Jay talking, now away from the couch and sitting on chairs.

"Oh, that's the new substitute science teacher."

"_She will be teaching impressionable youngsters?"   
  
_

"She seems okay," Lorelai shrugged. "What's wrong with her?"

"I just can't see her as a teacher."

"It's all the blonde hair," Lorelai conceded. Jay was wearing it down for the first time that Lorelai had seen, and it went to her waist. 

"She looks like a Playmate."

"She does not." 

"Well, Luke seems to like her." There were implications in the tone of voice Emily used.

"For the millionth time, Mom, I'm not dating Luke."

"Well, you and I tend to define 'dating' in different ways. Who really knows _what you're doing with him? I was just keeping an eye out."_

"Hey, you know what? I'm gonna go find your granddaughter and shove her over this way because I just can't have this conversation anymore." Lorelai got up and looked for Rory, whom she spotted talking excitedly with Lane.

"Lane, sweetie," Lorelai said, "I'm taking Rory away for the greater good. Which is my good, really. I need her to entertain her grandmother so that I don't beat her with a punch ladle."

Lane nodded. "I understand completely."

Rory was heading over to Emily when she saw Luke talking to a blonde lady. She nudged her mom. "That her?"

Lorelai had briefly mentioned Jay on the ride back from D.C. "Yep."

"She looks like that, and has a love of baseball and health food, and Luke hasn't married her yet?"

Lorelai grimaced. Not Rory, too. "Well it's only been a few days. Now go, be the beautiful granddaughter."

Rory smiled. "It's a role I perform well," she said, then joined Emily and Richard.

Lorelai watched Rory go, and snuck a glance at Luke and Jay. It didn't _look like they were flirting. It pacified her a little, and she went to stock up on some party food._

"Ooh, brownies." She grabbed three.

*                                                          *                                              *

"You're staring," Sookie accused, handing Lorelai another glass of punch, which happily was laced with vodka.

"Am not," Lorelai said, immediately jerking her gaze away from Luke. He and Jay had been talking for two straight hours. Luke could go an entire day and talk less than that. She hadn't been eavesdropping intentionally, but she'd passed them a few times in the course of her mingling. They'd talked about baseball and pollution, which digressed into politics, from what she could hear. She would have died from boredom.

"It might just be the liquor talking, but I'm going to be super blunt right now. Do you want to start a relationship with Luke?"

"He's barely started talking to me again."

"That wasn't what I asked."

Lorelai took a nice, deep swig of punch. "I don't know. It's not that I want him for myself, in _that way. I just have a fear that he's going to find some woman, and she's not going to like him being friends with another woman, and he'll distance himself for her sake." That, for the most part was true. _

"That's silly. Rachel didn't do that." 

"I didn't say it was a logical thing. It's just the way I feel." 

"So, you'd begrudge him happiness because, basically, it might infringe upon your coffee time."

Lorelai frowned. "Sure, when you say it like that it sounds all petty."

"I just think that a girlfriend might be a good thing for him right now. Maybe even put him in a better mood, which you could benefit from. He has been friendlier since she's gotten here."

"Coincidence."

"If that's how you want to see it. But I needed to ask you, because you're my best friend and I don't intentionally want to hurt you by supporting anything that might happen between them."

Sookie was in newlywed bliss, and was currently going through the stage where she thought everyone should share her happiness, so she was snatching up every matchmaking opportunity. Just last week, she'd sworn she found the perfect girl for Michel. 

Lorelai took a firm stance, even though it was on shaky ground. "I'm okay with Luke dating."

Sookie accepted this. "Fine."

"Besides, it's not like a _guarantee or anything that something's going to happen between them." Lorelai pointed out._

"That's true. Luke hasn't been known to be very bold with the risk taking. Captain Kirk he's not."

Lorelai wasn't quite done with her reassurances. "I mean, just because she looks like a blonde Lara Croft doesn't mean she'll be raiding Luke's tomb any time soon."

Sookie got a look on her face, the same one she got whenever she bore witness to Lorelai's semi-annual fridge cleanings. Luke had been her friend for years, and she never really wanted to think about him in _that way. "Please don't mention 'raiding Luke's tomb' again."_

-end ch. 5-

The titles only get weirder from here on out…

Note: I've never been big on original characters being main characters in fanfic. I just can't be bring myself to care about them as much as the real characters (and yes, I understand that's an oxymoron g) So even though Jay will be in this fic, it will not be about her. Most of the Luke/Jay stuff coming up is either offscreen, or seen through Lorelai's perspective. So anyone worried they'd be reading about the Adventures of Jay and Luke can breathe a sigh of relief ;)


	6. Buy Me Some Peanuts and Alfalfa Sprouts

Guess what? I watched "Lost and Found" with my 87 year old grandmother who speaks only Spanish and she said she loved the show, especially Luke and Lorelai. Hah! I made her a Java Junkie. It transcends language barriers! 

*                                  *                                              *

Ch. 6: Buy Me Some Peanuts and Alfalfa Sprouts

*                                  *                                              *

Rory had been home for two weeks now, so there was only a week left before school began. She was currently freaking out because Taylor had been out of those little folders with the bendy bits that had a funny name which Lorelai could never remember.

Lorelai was calmly sitting on the couch, watching television and craning her neck whenever Rory's frantic pacing blocked her view. It was better to let her burn out on her own.

Rory flopped down on the couch. That was Lorelai's cue. "Calm down, sweetie. We'll go to Hartford, where many an office supply store eagerly wants to be the one to satisfy your burning consumer need for dueytangs. 'Pick me, Rory!' 'No, Rory, pick me!' Then we'll hit Luke's for dinner; does that appease you?"

"Duotangs," Rory corrected.

"Either name is stupid."

"It's a wonderful idea. Thanks." She got off the couch and picked up the car keys. 

"Slow down, Flo-Jo. I didn't mean right this minute."

"Why not? You're not watching anything important. Duotangs are an essential first week of school item. Because you always get those annoying teachers who have a detailed description of the type and size of the notebook they want you to have, and if you don't match their description, they won't grade it. So the duotang is a perfect, temporary substitute until you know what they really want."

"You have thought _way too much about this. Anyway, this should be over soon."_

Rory truly saw what she was watching for the first time. "Baseball? You want to wait so you can watch baseball?"

Lorelai shrugged. "It's not real baseball, it's a movie with baseball. Like I'd actually watch a baseball game. You'd have to be stoned or drunk or from Iowa to find that exciting." She idly wondered if Jay was from Iowa.

Rory's eyes narrowed. "This doesn't have anything to do with Luke, does it?"

"No."

Rory decided not to press the issue. "What movie is this?"

"Well, I wanted to get 'Major League' but it was already rented." Lorelai sounded hesitant.

"So instead you got…"

Lorelai hung her head in shame. "'Little Big League.'"

Rory forgot about the pressing duotang issue when she doubled over in laughter.

Lorelai frowned. "I'm disowning you. In fact, I think I'll sell you to a nice couple in one of those countries created by the end of the Soviet Union, where they'll make you train to be a figure skater on a frozen pond for nineteen hours a day in the hopes that your face on the Wheaties box will put an end to their hunger."

Rory was still giggling. She shook her mother's shoulders. "C'mon, duotangs!"

Lorelai sighed and got up off the couch, then began the hunt for her purse. Rory went to shut off the tape. 

*                                              *                                              *

In the early evening they walked into the diner, and Lorelai whimpered.

"What?"

"Caesar's cooking again."

"His burgers are nowhere near the atrocity of his pancakes."

"Yeah, but still." Lorelai grabbed Jess as he walked by, the hot coffee he was carrying nearly spilling onto his hand. "Sorry," she apologized. "Where's Luke?"

"Out."

Jess walked away. Rory watched him go. After he dropped the coffee off, he glanced over and saw her looking. They exchanged small smiles, which Lorelai missed. She was still dwelling on the Luke issue. 

"Why the hell is Luke 'out' on a Saturday night?" she speculated. They found a table and sat down; Jess brought them both coffee. 

"Burgers, I presume?"

Rory grinned. "You are quite correct, Stanley."

They were still waiting for the burgers when Luke came in the front door. Lorelai sighed. "So it isn't the end of the world after all." Jay followed him through the door. 

"You spoke too quickly," Rory teased. Lorelai had seemed a little obsessed by the newcomer. Especially when Luke was involved. Even though her mom denied being jealous, Rory was certain she was feeling a little threatened. Like when one tiger moved into another tiger's territory, and started getting along with the first tiger's coffee supplier and friend.

"Shush! I can't hear what they're saying." Lorelai leaned forward in her chair.

"If you fall on the floor, I'm not picking you up."

Lorelai could hear their voices, but over the rest of the customers talking she couldn't make out what they were saying. Luke gestured to the kitchen in that awkward way he had when he was a little nervous, then walked back there. Jay smiled and nodded, then went to sit at the counter.

"Jay!" Lorelai shouted, and caught her attention. 

"Hi, Lorelai," she said, walking to their table. She was wearing a baseball hat and Braves t-shirt that looked like she picked it up in the kids' section. Lorelai didn't even know what city the 'Braves' played for. "Rory, right?" 

Rory nodded. "That would be me." She hadn't had the chance to talk to Jay during her party, and hadn't run into her around town since. Lorelai had, though, so she'd been hearing her mother's stories. Rory was glad she was getting the opportunity to see for herself if Lorelai had been embellishing certain aspects.

"Luke's told me a whole lot of good things about you. So has your mom."

"Aw, shucks," Rory said, pretending embarrassment.

"If you're planning on eating here, you can join us," Lorelai offered. 

Jay smiled. "Thanks." She sat down, and looked around the diner. "Everyone in this town is so friendly."

Rory knew the least about her, so she decided to ask some questions of her own. "Where'd you live before?"

"Brooklyn."

"Ah, the Big Apple," Lorelai said knowingly.

"I like to think of it as 'The Big, Dirty, Rotting Apple Full of Rude Worms.'"

"Not a city girl?" Lorelai was trying not to flashback to Luke's many rants on cities.

Jay shrugged. "Actually, it doesn't really matter to me where I live. I was an Army brat, so I've never been big on getting attached to one place." She looked out the window. "But this place does have its charms."

"Oh, if you ever want to leave, I'll introduce you to Roon. He'll de-charm you in two seconds flat."

Rory chided her. "Now that's just mean. No one should have to be introduced to Roon."

Okay, enough chit chat, Lorelai decided. She could ask the question she'd been dying to ask. "So, you and Luke go somewhere?"

"Yankee Stadium. The Braves were playing; isn't inter-league play exciting?" Jay was practically beaming. "I almost caught a foul ball from Chipper Jones, but some fat guy got in my way."

Lorelai nearly dropped her coffee mug. "You got Luke to go into New York?" She gripped the handle a little tighter, just to be safe.  
  


Suddenly, Luke was at their table, holding a coffee cup. "She almost got us into a fight, too."

"What? The Yankees do suck. You don't secretly like them do you? You said you didn't but for all I know you were lying."  

Lorelai clenched her coffee cup even harder. There were some definite flirty undertones. 

"A Connecticut Yankee he's not," Rory assured her. She'd seen him curse out the Yankees enough times.

"Of course I don't like them. But when you're surrounded by twenty thousand Yankees fans, you don't scream 'Hey Jeter, you suck!'"

He handed Jay the mug he'd been holding. Lorelai took one look at the color of the liquid and grimaced. "Luke, something's wrong with your coffee."

"It's green tea," Luke explained. 

Jay took a sip. "I quit coffee a few years back; green tea has caffeine and it's better for you anyhow."

"That's decaf," Luke told her.

"Ugh," Jay grimaced, but took another sip.

Lorelai was practically jumping up and down. A flaw! Luke hated caffeine in any form. When Luke excused himself to go check on their food, Rory spoke up.

"I still can't believe he went to New York." 

"I know," Lorelai agreed. "It just seems so surreal. I keep expecting the clock on the wall to start dripping."

"Why? Is there some Luke against New York thing I'm unaware of?"

"He's not a big fan of cities. You should have heard him rant on Hartford, which I'm sure looks like Pleasantville compared to New York," Lorelai explained. 

"How'd you get him to do it?" Rory asked, intrigued.

"I mentioned it the other night when I was eating here. He said he hadn't been to a game in a while, so I invited him to come along. It's not the shortest drive, so I figured company would be good."

"So black magic was not involved?" Lorelai incredulously asked.

"Not that I know of." 

"Maybe the planets were aligned in some special way that night," Rory offered as an explanation.

Further speculation was cut off by the arrival of their food. "Yay, burgers!" Lorelai said. "All that back to school shopping made me hungry."

"You sat in the office chair section the entire time while I went through all the aisles!" Rory pointed out.

"Yes, but it took enormous energy for me to spin around in them for an entire hour. I've officially filled my exercise quota for the month."

Luke put the plates down in front of them; hamburgers and fries for the Gilmore girls, and some strange looking thing trying to pretend it was a burger with a side of celery sticks for Jay. Then he set a fourth plate on the table, a turkey burger with carrot sticks on the side.

"Luke is gracing us with his presence!" Lorelai said with mock excitement.

Rory nodded. "Definitely some planetary alignment."

"The end of the world is nigh." 

"We didn't eat at the game," Jay explained.

"Well sure, you don't get much demand for alfalfa sprouts at stadiums." Lorelai wrinkled her nose at the thought.

"Damn shame," Luke said before biting into his turkey burger.

"At least there was frozen lemonade. It was like a hundred degrees out there. I now have a tacky tan line where my shorts ended." 

Lorelai recalled the length of Jay's shorts and kept the observation that it was hardly any worse than a tan line from a bikini bottom to herself.

Jay took a bite of her U.F.O., unidentified food object, as Lorelai had decided to call it. "This veggie burger is delicious," she complemented. So that's what it was, Lorelai noted. She should have known. 

"My burger's good, too," Lorelai said before she could stop herself. 

Conversation ceased while they satiated their hunger. When it dwindled down to a few fries and vegetables on plates, it picked up again.

"So who won the game?" Rory asked.

"Braves, thank god. It was a real nail-biter for a while," Jay happily stated.

Lorelai watched them exchange glances of satisfaction with their stupid baseball caps on their stupid vegetable-eating heads. "Yeah, the Cleveland Braves are my favorite too."

Luke just groaned. 

-end ch. 6-

A/N: I used to love that Little Big League movie. Even though I was way too old for it, I saw it 4 times. It was my dirty little secret. Now it completely cracks me up that Scott Patterson is in it. I KNEW there was a reason I liked it! Fate is a funny chica.


	7. The Monkey Wrench Gang

For you Yankees fans out there: *I* don't think they suck (have no feelings to them whatsoever) so don't take it too hard g. Just lean back and think of HOW many times they've kicked the Braves' asses in the past 10 years (I've lost count at this point!). So Jay's just a little bitter…

And Luke's favorite team is the Minnesota Twins. Think about it ;)

*                                                          *                                              *

Ch. 7: The Monkey Wrench Gang

*                                                          *                                              *

Lorelai walked past the diner on her way to Miss Patty's studio, then stopped in her tracks. She should see if Luke was there.

He was, of course, because he spent ninety-nine percent of his life in that building. She poked her head through the door.  "You coming?" she asked. Rory was at Lane's, burning CDs while Mrs. Kim was safely away at the meeting, so Lorelai wanted company.

"It's a meeting for the PTA," he said as if that explained everything, and went back to doing his diner things.

"So?" Lorelai wasn't easily deterred.

"So, I'm neither a Parent, Teacher, or Association."

"Yes, but it's that all important meeting the night before the school year starts. So every one in town goes, even if they're not a P, T, or A. You will have no customers."

Luke shrugged. Lorelai knew he was almost ready to give in. "If you don't, I'll very loudly tell every one I see on the way to the meeting that I got E. coli from your burgers."

"If that was true you'd be dead. You eat half a cow a day."

"Heavens to Betsy. Now, come on! Think of all the mocking potential that would be going to waste. You're Mr. Conservation guy."

"Yes. We must preserve our national supply of mocking potential. It may even be more important than water one day."

"See? You're mocking already. So mock with me."

"I'm still open."

"No one's gonna come in." Lorelai pouted, the Sexy Pout. "You know you wanna mock."

"Dirty," Luke said, but grabbed his keys. 

Lorelai did a victory dance in her head. No guy could resist the Sexy Pout! He locked up the diner, and they walked to Miss Patty's.

"Thank you," Lorelai said.

"It's just a meeting," Luke said, slightly uncomfortable.

"Not for going. Well, yeah for going, too. But for talking to me. For being Old Luke again."

He shrugged. "_Old Luke? What am I, a dog? You planning on shooting me any time soon?"_

Lorelai hit him. "Did you _have to bring up that movie? You know how…I get," she sniffled. "Damn it! Stupid movie. Stupid dog. Stupid rabies."_

"Good, we're here. Maybe the meeting will cheer you up." 

Lorelai brushed away the threatening tear. "Promise you'll insult Taylor and Kirk at least once each?" She batted her wet eyelashes. "For me?"

"I'll see what I can do." He opened the door and they found a seat in the back. The meeting had already started, but Babette waved at Lorelai. 

Lorelai waved back.

Babette waved harder, finally making it clear that she wanted Lorelai to come to her. Lorelai got up from her chair and tip-toed down the row, sitting in the empty seat by Babette's side.

"What's up?" she whispered.

"I have been dying to ask you that myself! First Patty tells me that Luke and the new girl went to a baseball game together, and then yesterday I see them at Doose's. I don't want to alarm you, dollface, but I think something might be going on."

"Nothing's going on, Babette." Lorelai had seen them talk, and they didn't seem all _that close. He was just an acquaintance. An acquaintance that went with Jay to baseball games in a dirty city two hours away, her mind pointed out._

"Well, Patty has been keeping an eye out," Babette said, and Lorelai instantly knew it meant Patty'd been watching Luke's diner with her binoculars from her studio. "And she hasn't seen any undeniable evidence yet, but she can't watch the place twenty-four hours."

"She could if she set up a video camera."

"You are just _too smart! I'll mention that to her."_

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "I wasn't serious. You can't tape Luke's life; he's not Gotti."

Babette shrugged, obviously not hindered by ethics. "We're just looking out for you, darling. The whole summer we were waiting for you two to make up, and then it looks like you guys are getting along again, but wham! A wrench is thrown into the works."

"Jay is not wrenching anything."

Babette grabbed Lorelai's forearm and leaned closer, to stress the importance of her words. "Are you sure about that?" Lorelai groaned and got up.

When Lorelai returned to the seat next to Luke, he asked her what Babette wanted.

"Oh, she and Patty were going to the strip club on Saturday and invited me. I can't go, but I told her Rory'd be happy to take my place."

Luke just shook his head. 

"So, what did I miss?" Lorelai asked in regards to the meeting.

"Absolutely nothing. Something about Open House, and a refresher on the dress code. There was a good opportunity to take a jab at Taylor, but I held back since you wouldn't have heard it."

"You're such a considerate man, Luke Danes."

"Keep it a secret and I'll give you coffee without you having to beg for it."

Lorelai grinned. "But the begging is fun!"

"More like annoying."

"Oh, you know you'd miss it if it was gone. Like a leg. Or the copy of TV Guide."

"I don't use TV Guide."

She thought of something. "Did they say when Open House is?"

"Probably."

"Because you should go."

"Why's that?"

"Doesn't Jess go to high school? Or did you ship him off to the military?"

"Yeah, but…"

"But Jess, being the sterling example of a student that he is, will most likely force you to be on a first-name basis with his teachers. So you can use Open House to butter them up. Make with the nice-nice." Lorelai realized something then. Jay had mentioned she had a couple senior classes to teach. "On second thought, don't butter up the teachers. No one likes a kiss ass."

*                                                          *                                              *

Luke followed through on his promises, managing to antagonize Taylor twice and insult Kirk once. Lorelai had smirked, until she'd looked up at the front and seen Jay smirking as well. That wasn't good. Lorelai was quiet the rest of the meeting, lost in her thoughts. 

When it was over, Miss Patty pulled her aside, promising Luke she'd return Lorelai in a few minutes. 

"Do you want us to be mean to her?" Miss Patty said quite bluntly.

"Huh? Give me a little backstory to work with here."

"The new teacher that waves to Luke every time she jogs by his window. We're willing to gang up on her if you want us to, sweetie."

"This is my punishment for dropping out of high school, right? Being forced to endure its pettiness even after sixteen years?" 

Miss Patty was undeterred. "Did you hear they went to a baseball game together last week? I heard it from Jess when I was at the diner for breakfast the other day; a body to die for, but he's not the most reliable, so I asked Taylor. And he said he saw them get out of a car together last Saturday night while he was inspecting the new paint job on the gazebo, and she had on a baseball hat!"

"Slow down there, Columbo." 

"I know a thing or two about men, precious. And under all that flannel and gruffness, Luke is a man. I wouldn't mind getting a good look at how much of a man either, let me tell you." Patty spaced out for a while. Lorelai tried not to think about what Patty was thinking about; it might cause her brain to melt. 

"Patty?"

Patty snapped out of it. "Sorry, dear. I was imagining. Now where was I? Oh, yes, Luke is a man. And when a new bitch comes to town, all the male dogs will be sniffing her ass."

"Patty!" Lorelai wondered if Patty was drunk. Lorelai wondered if _she was drunk. That might explain why Patty wasn't making any sense._

"All men are dogs," Patty said, as though that explained everything. "And mark my words, if you don't defend your territory, it's not your hydrant Luke will be lifting his leg over."

"Are you drunk?" Lorelai asked, unable to resist.

Patty shrugged "A little. These P.T.A. meetings can be dull."

Lorelai shook her head. "Patty, Luke is just a friend." Lorelai felt like she'd said that so many times it was becoming meaningless. But only because she'd said it so much, not because it wasn't true.

Miss Patty waved her cigarette in the air, making dramatic little swirls. "You say that, dear, but don't forget I'm a performer. And I know when someone's performing." She pointed the cigarette accusingly at Lorelai, who had to lean back a little so it wouldn't burn a hole in her new shirt. "We've all been hoping and dreaming for so long now, and the time finally seemed right. But then you two got in that silly fight, and look what's happened…" She shook her head, and took a long drag, then sighed, exhaling the smoke. "Up in smoke, my dear. It's all going up in smoke."

With that she walked away.

Lorelai stared after her, still reeling over the line about hydrants. She looked around for Luke; maybe she could beg her way into getting a cup of coffee. That would help her recover. When she couldn't find him near her, she got up on one of the chairs and looked around.

Of course. He was talking to Jay, near the front of the room. And he had been in the back before, which meant _he had walked over to __her. Lorelai got off the chair and made a quick exit. She had coffee at home. She didn't need his damn coffee to satisfy her needs._

*                                                          *                                                          *

A/N: I just don't see Luke being a fast acting guy. So be patient…the good stuff is coming around the bend.


	8. The Seventh Inning Retch

*                                                          *                                              *

Ch. 8: The Seventh Inning Retch

*                                                          *                                              *

A month into the school year, the whole town came out to the ball field to witness the first ever Stars Hollow High Ladies Softball team's game. Though the real season didn't start until spring, they had a slew of exhibition games with nearby high schools scheduled.

Lorelai and Rory were looking for a good spot on the bleachers, each carrying an ice cream cone. "So let me get this straight," Lorelai said, avoiding stepping on toes and hoping she wouldn't fall through the cracks of the large metal contraption. "They have spring training, only in the fall?"

"Apparently so," Rory answered. They found a few seats near the top, where they could look down at the people below them and make comments. It wasn't like they'd be watching the game; they wouldn't even know what the hell was going on.

Rory spotted Lane on the field and waved to her. Lane waved back.

"Aw, she's so cute in her little uniform," Lorelai said.

"Well, she's determined to get as far away from her mother as possible when it comes to college, so she thought adding 'Softball Team' to her college applications would be a good boost. Plus, time spent practicing means time out of the house."

"But, um, how do I put this delicately? Doesn't she kind of suck?"

"Oh, totally. But when the season starts they have varsity and junior varsity, and only the varsity really counts in competitiveness. So she'll just be having fun on J.V. And they don't practice as much in the beginning of the school year so she still has time for cheerleading."

"She's an all-American girl, that Lane."

"I believe that is the point she's trying to make." 

They ate their ice cream, and when Lorelai spotted Luke, she put her fingers in her mouth and gave him a loud whistle. "Yo, hot mama, I got a seat for you right here," she yelled like a construction worker.

Rory made a disapproving noise. "Look, you made him all embarrassed. And you know how embarrassment turns to hostility in Luke."

Lorelai just shrugged. "He's coming up here, isn't he?"

"Yes, but he's coming up with a look that says 'I'm planning on pushing Lorelai Gilmore off the bleachers.'"

"Well, if he does, I'll just grab onto you and you can take the fall with me."

Rory made a gesture of presentation. "My loving mother, ladies and gentleman."

Luke made it up to their row. "Call me 'hot mama' again and I'll push you off this thing."

Rory threw her arms up in a 'touchdown' gesture. "Score one for me!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Nothing," Lorelai said for her. "Just sit."

Luke complied. 

Lorelai looked at the girls doing softball type things on the field. "Did the game start yet?"

"No. They're warming up."

Lorelai offered some of her ice cream to Luke. He groaned and pushed it away. "Come on, cheat just a little!" she said, sticking it out again.

"Get that crap away from me," he muttered, pushing it away again. They got into a back and forth cycle of offering and rejecting.

Rory pretended not to be interested in the goings on, but a smile crept up on her lips. Things were always better when they got back to normal.

"Eat it!" Lorelai ordered. 

"No!" He pushed it away. Lorelai yelped as she fell backwards. 

"Jesus Christ!" Luke grabbed her before she fell off the bench completely. They were on the second to the top row, so she wasn't in danger of falling off the bleachers, but she still could have hit her head or something.

Lorelai's brain was reeling, and not from the fall. It was currently thinking, 'Mmm, Luke-arms' over and over again. He pulled her forward and she was seated again. 

"Thanks," she said, and his arms left her. Lorelai was a little disappointed, and a little surprised. Since when did a casual touch from Luke provoke such a feeling in her? She took a lick of her ice cream to cheer herself up, but it wasn't in her hand. 

She looked behind her and saw it splattered on the bench. "My ice cream," she whined.

"That's what you get for monkeying around," Rory chided, but she was still smiling.

Luke got up. "If I get you another one, promise to keep it away from me?"  
  


"Aren't you sweet!"

"If you don't get another one, you'll whine the whole time."

"True. So yes, I promise." 

"I'll be back," he said over his shoulder as he headed down the bleachers.

"Two scoops!" Lorelai called after him. Rory was still grinning. "What? You think your mother almost dying is funny?"

"Hilarious," Rory said.

"Tell me what's so funny, missy."

"'Eat my ice cream, Lukey!'" She mocked in a high voice. "You fell off the bench because you were climbing all over him."

"I was not!"

"Was too."

"I'm not sharing any of my new ice cream with you."

"Fine by me. You'd just get 'I love Lukey' germs over it, anyhow."

Lorelai was trying to find something to say back. "Nuh uh!" Oh, good one.

Rory shrugged. "I think you got some 'splainin to do."

"Did Patty and Babette get to you? They didn't take you to the strip club and brainwash your mind, did they?"

"Patty and Babette are two very observant ladies." Rory spotted Luke returning with the ice cream and stopped pressing the matter.

Luke reached them and gave Lorelai her ice cream cone. "Keep it away from me."

Rory noticed something on the field. She leaned forward to get a better look. "Is that Kirk down there?"

Luke nodded. "Yeah. They had an opening for assistant coach and he offered."

Lorelai snickered. "Did someone tell him all those girls are illegal minors?"

"They wouldn't go out with him anyway," Luke said

Lorelai wanted to say, 'speaking of going out…' and ask Luke about Jay, but she couldn't bring herself to. Jay and Luke had been getting friendlier and friendlier over the past month, but no one in town had actually seen them do anything other than talk. Luke had been occasionally helping out with the softball practices, when he'd had the time. So instead, she asked him about that.

"How come you didn't volunteer for the position?"

"Because then I'd have to attend even more stupid meetings with the PTA and Taylor's at every one."

"Gotcha."

Jay must have called all the girls in because they were running toward the little caged in part with a bench. "Now what are they doing?"

"They're going in the dugout because the game's about to start."

"That's the little cage?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't they call it the little cage, then, instead of a dugout?"

Luke could have gotten into the specifics, but he had a feeling this was going to be a long, long night of explaining things. "Because dugout sounds cooler."

Rory leaned over to Luke. "She's been watching baseball movies to brush up on the game," she confided. 

"That plan seems to have worked well."

"Okay, Mr. Sarcasm, no one asked you." Lorelai crossed her arms over her chest.

At that point, everyone rose for the national anthem. During it, Lorelai whispered, "Aren't you supposed to take off your hat? Isn't it against the Constitution to wear it?"

"It's permanently attached to my skull," he shot back.

Rory turned to both of them. "I don't think you're supposed to talk right now."

As if to prove that point, Bootsy turned around and shushed them. "Don't you people have any national pride?"

*                                                          *                                              *

"Look at Miss Patty," Lorelai whispered. "She's waving her handkerchief at that umpire again."

Rory giggled. "She wants him to 'dust her plate'."

They both giggled. Luke rolled his eyes. "I've had to listen to four innings of this crap. Can't you two take a break?"

"But baseball metaphors are the only things about the game we know."

"Yes, but if you giggle and say 'she got all the way to second base' one more time I'm going to tell Kirk you both want to date him, and got into a fight over him."

Rory gasped. "You wouldn't!"

Lorelai gasped louder. "You couldn't!"

"Then shut it."

"Fine, we'll talk about the game," Lorelai appealed. "Who's winning?"

"We are."

"Then yay us!" They watched as a ball was hit by the opposing team into right field, where Lane was.

"Come on, Lane," Rory said, half encouragement, half prayer.

They could see the fear on Lane's face even from this far away. When Lane actually caught the ball, they let out their collective breaths. 

"Did you see that?" Lorelai cried. "It was awesome!"

Luke shrugged. "She just caught a ball, no big deal," he said, but he couldn't help smiling. He'd been working with Lane all last week. She had a habit of freaking out and turning her face away right before the ball got to her, which Luke had finally gotten her to conquer. 

Lorelai nudged him. "Look at you, all beaming with pride." 

Lane's catch was the third out, so the Stars Hollow team was returning to the dug out.

"They're pretty good, for being a new team," Rory pointed out. 

"Most of the girls had played before in the community leagues."

"I didn't even know they had community leagues," Lorelai said.

"It's not too late if you want to sign Rory up. The teams go up to eighteen years." Rory and Lorelai both burst into giggles at the notion. Luke smirked. "That was kind of funny."

*                                              *                                              *

In the bottom of the fifth season, when the Stars Hollow team was up to bat, Jay and one of the girls left the dug out and headed over to a grassy area without spectators in the way.

"Uh oh, I think she's in trouble," Lorelai said about the girl.

"Maybe she was on steroids," Rory suggested.

"That's Mindy, she's a pitcher. Jay's going to warm her up and put her in."

"Heh. 'Warm her up,'" Rory said.

"Heh heh. 'Put her in,'" Lorelai echoed.

"I am never going to another ball game of any kind with you," Luke stated.

Lorelai shut her mouth. Jay probably didn't make stupid comments like that. She probably knew all about the game and talked about strategy and earned runs and batting averages. 

"Sorry," Lorelai said. 

As Jay and Mindy passed the bleachers, Jay spotted them and waved. All three waved back. Jay turned her hat from forwards to backwards.

"Oh my god!" Lorelai said. "She's giving the Luke sign!"

"She is not." Luke resisted the urge to fidget with his cap. It was like the fiftieth comment Lorelai had made about it that night. He was tempted to go back to not talking to her like in the summer. "She's going to catch for Mindy, so it's probably to increase her field of vision."

"Nothing sucks more than a softball in the face," Rory said.

"What about a softball to the groin?" Lorelai asked. "Does that suck more, Luke?"

Luke's shoulders slumped. "Kill me now."

*                                              *                                              *

After the away team's last out in the seventh inning, the Stars Hollow crowd stood up and cheered. 

"What the hell's going on? Is this that seventh inning itch I've heard so much about?" Lorelai asked.

"Seventh inning _stretch," Rory corrected._

"Neither," Luke said. "Only seven innings in girls' softball. And since we're the home team and we're ahead, we don't have to finish the bottom half of the inning."

"He's like the Yoda of baseball," Rory said.

"But much, much taller."

"And not quite as green." Rory stood up. "I'm gonna go find Lane and congratulate her on her catch." She started picking her way down the bleachers.

"How on earth did I make it through the entire game?" Luke speculated. He made a firm resolution to find someone else to sit next to at the following game. Taylor, maybe. 

"Because you stared at Jay for half the time."

Lorelai was just shooting in the dark on that one, but Luke was visibly agitated. "I did not."

Lorelai was playing it cool. It didn't matter to her if Luke was interested. Just like it didn't matter that his knee brushing against hers sent little shivers up her spine. "So you two aren't, you know, you two?"

Luke shook his head. "She's just a friend." 

Lorelai watched him get up and head down the bleachers. She was hardly reassured. She wondered how many times had he said that regarding her?

She eventually got up and followed him. The park had started to clear out, leaving behind mostly the parents of the players. Jay was having a post-game coach talk with the team. Rory was waiting by the fence.

Lorelai joined her daughter. "Waiting for Lane?"

"Yep. Got a big reassurance smile ready for when she struck out, if she needs it."

"Do you want me to wait for you, or do you guys want to walk back?"

"I think they're almost done; let's wait."

Lorelai nodded. She tried to nonchalantly look around for Luke, but couldn't find him. There was only so much searching she could do before it stopped looking nonchalant and started looking deliberate. She turned back to Rory.

"Do you like Jay?"

"She's nice. Jess even gets along with her. He actually shows up to her class almost every day, from what I hear."

"Chemistry? He's probably taking notes on how to make explosives."

"Mom."

"Okay, ignore my previous comment," Lorelai shrugged. "Do you think that Luke likes her?"

"Of course he does." Rory's eyes got a little wider. "You mean _like like!"_

Lorelai had that hand in the cookie jar expression. "Maybe."

"Nuh uh. You're scared."

"Am not."

"You're scared she's going to snatch him up and then he won't be there in case you decided maybe one day…" 

"Fine, maybe I am. Just a little bit. But I'm also thinking about Luke; he hasn't dated anyone that we know of since Rachel left and that was way over a year ago."

"That we know of being the operative word. Maybe he lures attractive female tourist customers up to his apartment at night."

"Rory!"

"You really should have seen the look on your face. It's the same one Grandma gets when you joke about giving me drugs and booze. Like you're horrified that someone would even joke like that, but part of you is afraid it's not a joke."

"Hey, would you look at that? The little huddle is over," Lorelai pointed out, grateful for the distraction. They both waved at Lane.

She ran over to them. "I caught the ball! And I didn't look away, and it didn't smack me in the face!"

"I can hear Kool and the Gang already," Lorelai said. "Celebratory ice cream, anyone?"

"Me please!" Rory said.

"Me too," Lane agreed.

They walked to the parking lot. When they got to the Jeep, Rory and Lane waited for Lorelai to open it. Lorelai stood there for a second. 

"Dammit!"

"Left your purse on the bleachers, didn't you?" Rory asked knowingly.

"Well, we can't all be perfect," Lorelai mumbled. "Stay away from strange men," she ordered them, and left the parking lot. She fought her way over the narrow path that led to the ball field against the remaining stragglers who were headed out in the opposite direction. She got to the field and spotted her purse on the floor board below where she'd been sitting. Instead of climbing the damn thing again, she walked under it and reached up, pulling her purse through the crack. 

She was turning to go when she saw Luke standing under a tree off the right field area. See, she'd learned something that night about baseball. She was going to go ask him if he wanted a ride, or say goodnight, or something, when she saw that Jay was also with him.

Leave, her mind told her. She obeyed it very, very slowly. So slowly in fact, that a casual observer would have sworn she wasn't leaving at all.

They were a good two hundred feet away, so she couldn't hear one damn thing they were saying. Luke must have said something funny because Jay laughed a little. When did Luke say funny things? Luke wasn't Mr. Funny Pants, so why the hell did Jay keep smiling? Why was Luke smiling? Was he so damn funny he even amused himself?

Luke took Jay's bag from her, and Lorelai watched as Jay took off the baseball hat and pulled her hair from the ponytail. She shook it out and Lorelai wondered why she didn't just blatantly copy the scene from the Little Mermaid where Ariel breaks the surface after turning human and tosses her hair back. It would have been just as subtle.

Luke handed her back the bag when she was done tossing her hair around. Good, he wasn't carrying it for her. Jay took it, shouldering it, but Luke's flannel got caught in the transfer and he stepped closer to her to untangle it.

Lorelai wondered why she was still here when she'd told herself to leave already. She shouldn't be staring at them from under the bleachers like some sort of hobbit. But it was like watching a train wreck. She didn't want to look, but she couldn't stop.

Suddenly, Luke kissed Jay. Not a deep, long kiss, but a quick, lean forward and kiss her lightly then lean back to see her reaction kiss. 

Lorelai felt something funny in her chest; maybe she was having a heart attack. Maybe she had indigestion from that ice cream and the hot dog she'd had for dinner. Maybe it was that acid reflux disease they were always advertising pills for on television.

She wanted to turn away and go back, but her feet had completely disobeyed her orders at this point. She watched as Jay's hands tugged on his shirt and she kissed him back. Lorelai didn't have the best view, but she could just tell that this time there was tongue involved. 

Her feet finally obeyed her, and she ran the rest of the way back to the jeep, the funniness in her chest still not subsiding.

*                                  *                                  *

Lorelai's finally getting the picture… g

Thanks again to those kind reviewing people. As I'm seriously five minutes away from an anxiety attack, it distracts me from completely stressing out. I won't bore you with details, I just want to let you know how grateful I am. So thank you. ;)

And yes, yes, a thousand times yes, this is a Luke/Lorelai fic. It's just taking it's sweet time. 


	9. The Jealousy Monster Says, 'Jay is for J...

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Hello one and all! Thank you all for the positive feedback you've been giving…I was initially in that 'no one would want to read this' frame of mind. So thanks for proving me wrong. 

A/N: Chapter 10 will be up tomorrow, as it is almost done. But you might not get anything over the weekend as I will be enjoying a much, much needed mini-vacation and don't know if I'll have internet access, although I will be bringing my laptop to the beach so I'll still be working on it. The computer is like a crack addiction with me g

*                                              *                                              *

Ch. 9: The Jealousy Monster Says, "Jay is for Jealousy, and Jealousy is for Me!"

*                                              *                                              *

"Mom, are your pancakes laced with valium?"

Lorelai poked the pancake with her fork and hoped she wouldn't fall asleep face first into the syrupy stack. "No, they're fine. I didn't sleep a lot last night. They show Kids in the Hall at 3 a.m. and I wanted to see it. You know how I love the Chicken Lady."

"You've seen every Kids in the Hall episode a hundred times." Rory's eyes narrowed as she took in her mother's behavior. She hadn't seemed very enthusiastic when they went for ice cream last night, either. "Did something happen?"

"Things always happen. It's why we have the news. Without things happening, poor Dan Rather would be begging on the street for spare change." Lorelai sighed and shot a glance at Luke. _He looked well rested. There was a goddamn spring in his step, even._

She decided to spill. "When I went back to get my purse, I saw Luke and Jay. They were practicing C.P.R." She edited out the part where she spied on them for a few minutes before seeing that.

Rory dropped her fork. "No!"

"Yes."

"Good for him," Rory said. "Still doesn't explain you, though." It explained her mother just fine, but Rory was pushing so that maybe Lorelai would finally realize what everyone else had seen for a long time now.

"I asked him not even an hour before that happened if they were involved, and he said no. He lied to me. He kept things from me. We're supposed to be friends; I mean, we didn't have an official 'make up' party with invitations and balloons and a dancing monkey, but it had pretty much gone back to normal. Right?"

"You guys were getting along okay recently. But a dancing monkey would have been cool."

"So I'm not insane."

"Well, you are, but not over that."

"It may be genetic, so don't be so quick with the insanity judgment." 

"You are perfectly sane." Rory finished her pancakes and looked at her mom's plate. "If you're not gonna eat those…"

Luke came over to the table just then. "I saw you hadn't touched your pancakes. What's wrong?"

"Nothing." 

"Not fluffy enough?" 

"No, they were fluffy. Cat in the Whiskas commercial fluffy. Big white cloud fluffy."

He cut her off. "I get it, they're fluffy. So it's just one of those days?"

"You could say that," Lorelai said, glad she wouldn't be forced to come up with an explanation.

"Can I talk to you?" 

Luke had his serious face on. "You mean in private, don't you?" He nodded, and she got up. She followed him up to his apartment, not very excited at the prospect of talking.

She watched him pace back and forth for a while before sitting on the edge of the couch. Of course she had a good idea what he wanted to talk about, but she was just going to wait and make him say it.

"I just wanted to tell you before someone like Miss Patty did," Luke started. Lorelai could feel the two bites of pancakes she'd managed to take having a little pancake duel in her stomach. "Jay and I are kind of…together."

"I know." There was frostiness in her voice. 

He looked confused. "_How do you know?"_

"Because I left my purse behind at the field and I saw you two."

Now he looked embarrassed. "Oh."

"Yeah. So thanks for the newsflash. I'll be going back downstairs."

"Wait!" he called, but she ignored him. With a few long strides he beat her to the door and blocked it with his body. "Do you have some sort of problem?"

"Yeah. There's this really great pair of boots I bought for seventy percent off, but it's too hot to wear them and they make my legs all sweaty. It's a big problem." She tried to go past him, but he was much bigger than her. 

"That's not what I meant."

"I know. But that's what I wanted to say."

"You do have a problem with it. I thought you two got along."

Lorelai quit trying to get past him. Maybe she could go out the window. There was a fire escape, right? Luke would probably just chase her down that, too. "We do get along. I don't have a problem with her."

He heard the emphasis on the 'her.' "So I'm your problem?" he asked, getting a little angry. 

Lorelai crossed her arms over her chest and wouldn't look at him. "Maybe."

His eyebrows rose. "What did I do?"

"I thought we were friends again."

Luke didn't see what that had to do with the issue at hand. "We are."

"Well, I asked you if you two were involved and you said no. You lied to me. Of all the people in this world, you were on the very, very short list of those I will always have faith in not to lie to me. It's pretty much you, and Rory, and Abe Lincoln, but since he's dead it's just you and Rory. And now it's just Rory."

Luke was definitely getting angry. "Did you misplace your list the night Jess and Rory got into the accident?"

"Extenuating circumstances!" Lorelai defended. "And that's over now, and I apologized until my tongue nearly fell off, and you accepted it so that means you don't get to throw it in my face every time we have an argument."

"Not that I should even tell you this, but when you asked me about Jay, nothing _was going on. It happened for the first time after the game." He reached the peak of his anger, taking a step closer to her so she had to look up at him._

Lorelai wouldn't be threatened; not by anyone, and most especially not by Luke. She met his heated stare without wavering. "I seem to recall you saying that you were 'just friends.' Friends don't think of each other in that way. I'm 'just friends' with Sookie and you don't see me kissing her! Or Jackson!"

Luke decided not to point out that friends thought of each other that way all the time. "All you asked was if we were together. And at that point in time, we weren't. You didn't ask me if I had more than friendly feelings for her. So I didn't mention it. But from now on, I'll keep in mind that you want to know every thought I have. Hey, here's one right now: Your shirt is stupid!" 

Lorelai looked down at her Sailor Moon t-shirt. How dare he? "I have three words for you: pot, kettle, black!" She gave his flannel shirt a pointed look. "Somewhere in Scotland there are men running around freezing their naked bottoms off because you've created a plaid shortage."  She took a deep breath, trying to calm down. This would get them nowhere. "You could have told me."

"What, like you tell me about every guy you go out with? I seem to recall that I didn't even meet Max until after you two had gotten engaged."

"Okay, well, fine Mr. Spock, bring logic into this!" Lorelai said because she couldn't find a rebuttal. It was true. 

They stood there, catching their breath and mulling over what had transpired. Neither wanted another four months like the ones that had passed after the car incident. When Lorelai had calmed down completely, she said to him, "I'm sorry. I was just insulted and hurt because I thought you were still secretly mad at me."

The anger had also left Luke. He took a leap of faith, because so far he and Jay had only kissed and it would be better to end it now in case… "Is that the only reason you were upset?"

Lorelai didn't see the window of opportunity he'd given her. "What else would there be?"

Luke shrugged. "Just thought it would be best to clear the air out all at once." What had he expected from her?

"So, um, we're good?"

He moved away from the door. "Yeah."

Lorelai walked out into the hallway. She lingered there for a moment. "I'm happy for you," she said, and it sounded authentic. She didn't wait for him to say anything else; she quickly went down the stairs. 

The look on Lorelai's face kept Rory from asking any questions. Lorelai finished her now cold pancakes while her mind was reviewing the scene. She'd been angry because she'd thought Luke had been keeping secrets from her. 

But Luke hadn't been lying to her. In fact, he had tried to tell her about it first thing the next morning. Lorelai told that stupid, achy feeling in her chest to go away. All was better now, right? Luke was still her friend. So maybe it was just heartburn. She popped a Tums in her mouth and chewed it hard. Still not better.

She started to accept the tiny, long-shot possibility that maybe, perhaps she was just a little, teeny bit jealous.

*                                              *                                              *

And now the fun begins….


	10. All Ho's Eve

A/N: I apologize in advance to the Wizard of Oz. You'll see why soon enough. (But I refuse to apologize to Star Wars because I'm still waiting for George Lucas to give me my money back for Episode I and II).

*                                              *                                              *

Ch. 10: All Ho's Eve

*                                              *                                              *

At least they weren't one of those icky couples, Lorelai thought as she watched Luke and Jay talking from her table at the diner. They weren't all snuggly and kissy and calling each other 'Pookie.' At least not in public. But since Lorelai wasn't exactly invited to their private activities, she could only speculate.

And as if the speculation wasn't bad enough, Jay had made a few girl to girl comments that Lorelai really hadn't wanted to know. Why the hell was she nice to Luke's girlfriends? She'd ended up liking Rachel, and it wasn't like she could have stopped being nice to Jay once Luke and her had hooked up.

Lorelai blamed herself and her unique brand of friendliness and openness. If only she was like Kirk, then people wouldn't talk to her. But then she'd be like Kirk…

"It's not polite to do that," Sookie said.

"Huh?" Lorelai had completely forgotten about Sookie.

"You're staring. Again."

"I'm observing human behavior. It's an experiment. I'm like Freud."

Sookie decided to let it pass. "Did you decide on your Halloween costume yet?"

Lorelai shook her head. "There are so many choices! Halloween should really be more than once a year."

"But it's a week away. Ooh! Since Rory's already got her costume, you can ask Jay to be Bubbles, I can be Blossom, and you could be Buttercup!"

"No."

"But Luke could be the Professor!"

"I don't think the Professor's sleeping with Bubbles."

"Now I can't watch that show anymore." Sookie took a bite of her burger, then almost spit it out. "Wait! How do you know they're sleeping together? They could be taking it slow or something. Luke and Jay, not the Professor and Bubbles, because ick!"

Lorelai grimaced. "Well, since Jay and I befriended each other, she's taking that 'friend' part literally. Which means I got to hear all about how cute Luke was when he was afraid to spend the night at her apartment, because she rents from Taylor, and Luke was paranoid that Taylor had put cameras all over like in 'Sliver' to make sure none of his tenants broke a rule." Lorelai savagely bit a French fry. "Apparently, he spent twenty minutes inspecting the air vents."  
  


Sookie giggled. Lorelai frowned at her. "What? I can totally picture that," Sookie explained.

"Yes, so can I. And then I end up picturing what happened when he finished checking the vents."

"He 'checked the vents,'" Sookie said knowingly.

"Yeah." Lorelai attacked another French fry.

Jay stood up, and Lorelai couldn't tear her eyes away in time to avoid witnessing a quick goodbye kiss. Maybe if she tossed one of her French fries in front of the door, Jay would slip on it and kill herself.

"What is wrong with me?" Lorelai demanded, appalled by her thought. She really, truly did like Jay; but whenever Jay was in the presence of Luke, all Lorelai could think of was grabbing her by that stupid blonde hair and yanking her really hard. Or maybe wrapping it around her neck and choking her.

Sookie looked up from her meal. "That's rhetorical, right? Because I don't want to answer it and then get in trouble."

"What? You think there are things wrong with me?" 

Sookie gulped down the food she was chewing. "No," she quickly said.

*                                              *                                              *

"Mom, we're going to be late!" Rory yelled up the stairs. When Lorelai had finally decided on a costume, she had refused to reveal what it was to Rory. Which made Rory a little suspicious, and a lot nervous. 

Rory adjusted the angel wings on her back; they were digging into her shoulder blades and the words she would use to describe the pain just weren't becoming of an angel. "Mom!" she called again.

"I'm almost ready," Lorelai yelled from her room. Soon, Rory heard her footsteps and looked up the stairs. "What do you think?" Lorelai asked.

"I think, 'Where's your costume?' Because that's just underwear!"

Lorelai looked down at her costume. "Oh! I did forget something." She pulled a bag out of the hall closet and removed a pair of bunny ears, slipping the headband onto her head. "There. All done."

"You cannot go as a Playboy bunny!"

"Why? There's no rule against it."

"Yes, but I'm sure Taylor will make one for next year."

"So next year I won't go as a Playboy bunny." Rory tapped her foot, waiting for an explanation. Lorelai sighed. "I couldn't decide, and then two nights ago I watched 'Bridget Jones' Diary' and my mind became all mushy by the Hugh Grant hotness. Hence, bunny."

Rory rolled her eyes. "Fine."

They grabbed their coats and headed out the door. "Twenty bucks says Kirk's wearing the Captain Kirk costume again," Lorelai said.

"How about you give me twenty bucks not to take a picture of you and send it to Grandma."

"Devil child."

*                                              *                                              *

"What's Sookie wearing?" Rory asked, looking around Miss Patty's studio, which was all done up for the Halloween party. 

"I talked her out of going as Molto Mario," Lorelai said. "The fat guy on the Food Channel," she elaborated when Rory looked confused.

"Which one? There are like, seven of them."

"The redhead, the one who talks about Italy and why the hell am I still talking about him? She and Jackson came as Dorothy and the Scarecrow, but I think 'Scarecrow' is just an elaborate way to say Jackson glued some dead grass onto his shirt."

"I didn't know Dorothy married the Scarecrow."

"Long lost third movie that can only be found in adult video stores."

 "Don't give it a name," Rory begged.

Lorelai couldn't help herself. "'The Wizard of Oz III: I'm Getting Off to See the Jizzard.'"

"Mom, that is so disgusting! I don't think angels are supposed to hear things like that!"

"Oh, come on. You saw 'Something About Mary' when you were twelve. And admit it, it was clever. Look at you, you're smiling. You're a naughty angel!" She saw someone in the crowd. "Oh! Gimme twenty bucks; Kirk's wearing his Captain Kirk uniform."

"I never took that bet. And I brought my camera, so look extra trashy when I take your picture for Grandma."

Lorelai adjusted her bustier, pushing her cleavage up higher. "There, how's that?"

Rory took a step away. "I think I'll mingle."

"You do that. I'm going to go ask Taylor if he came as Mr. Rogers." 

"But he's not wearing a costume; he just has on a little button that says 'Happy Halloween.'"

"I know."

"Be prepared for 'dire consequences.'"

"You can always say 'I told you so.'"

Rory merged into the crowd, and Lorelai was about to push Taylor's buttons when Luke and Jay entered. She froze mid-step. Luke had _never come to the Halloween party for as far back as she could remember. He wasn't dressed up though; he was just wearing an average flannel and baseball hat._

They took their coats off and put them on the rack. Lorelai saw that Jay was wearing nothing. Actually, she was wearing about as much clothing as Lorelai. Luke looked slightly uncomfortable, surrounded as he was by people wearing ridiculous costumes, but Jay was smiling, taking in the scene. Ugh. They were holding hands. 

Lorelai was going to go look for Sookie so she could make snarky, albeit hypocritical, comments about Jay's costume, but was spotted by the couple. Her quick escape now unfeasible, she gave them a bright smile. "Hey! I know you!" she said to Luke. "You're the guy who owns the diner and has never come to one of these things before."

"First time for everything," Luke said.

"Plus, it helps that you've got a hottie on your arm," Lorelai said, exercising her acting skills. She could pretend to be supportive until the cows returned from wherever the hell it was that cows went when they left home.

Jay blushed. "I was afraid this would be a little too…much," she said, indicating her costume. Then she rethought her words. "Or, really, too little." 

"Nah. Princess Leia in the gold bikini is always a hit. And Kirk's on the judging panel, so you've got a good shot of winning."

"You might, too. Nice tail," Luke said to Lorelai. 

"Last minute costume decisions mean your choice is limited to what the rental place has left," she lied. She'd made the damn costume herself. "I should write a children's book about it. It's quite an important life lesson to learn." She looked at him. "So who are you supposed to be? Paul Bunyan? The Flannel Avenger?"

Jay laughed. Luke rolled his eyes. "I'm Luke," he said, as if the answer was obvious.

Lorelai got it. "So you two came as Luke and Leia!"

Jay grinned. "I was hoping someone would get it."

"Well, I'm clever like a fox."

"Or a bunny."

"I hate to burst your bunny-bubble, but Playboy bunnies aren't really known for their intellect," Luke said. Lorelai put her hands on her hips. "But there's always an exception…" he added.

Lorelai got even with him. "Maybe I'll go enter you two into the couples contest." 

Luke gave them both his patented death glare. "If either of you even think about it, I'm cutting off your coffee and your veggie burger supply," he threatened, pointing to Lorelai and Jay respectively.

"You wouldn't!" both Jay and Lorelai said at the same time.

"Oh, I would." 

"I think he's giving in to the Dark Side," Jay said. 

"Anger does lead to hate, which leads to the Dark Side, so sayeth Yoda," Lorelai pointed out. 

"Speaking of the Dark Side, has anyone seen Jess? He didn't come back after school, and I doubt he was helping the kids trick or treat. I'm a little afraid he might be pulling pranks. Not that he really needs a holiday to do that, but it might encourage him even more." 

"He was in class today," Jay said. "Not that it really helps."

"Actually, Rory mentioned earlier that she'd talked him into dressing up, so he probably went to get a costume." 

Luke arched an eyebrow. "Jess dressed up? As what, Slacker Man? Loud Music Playing Punk?"

Taylor, who was walking past them at the moment, overheard Luke's question. "His costume is quite appropriate." Then he eyeballed Jay and Lorelai. "Unlike some people's…"

Lorelai groaned. "Move along, Mr. Rogers."  Then, through the crowd, she saw Jess. "_That's his costume? He sure does take after you."_

Jay and Luke turned to look. Jess was wearing his regular clothes. 

"Maybe he came as a hoodlum," Luke suggested.

"No, he's got little horns on his head, under his hair. I think. Maybe that's just his hair. Sometimes he seems to go a little wacky with the mousse," Jay said.

"At least he doesn't cover it with a baseball cap," Lorelai muttered. Jay snickered. Luke decided he'd go talk to Jess because women discussing him just wasn't something he wanted to listen to. 

"Where'd you go this afternoon?" he asked his nephew. Jess turned around to face him, and Luke jumped back. "Jesus! What the hell?"

"I went in to Hartford and got these," Jess said, pointing to his red contact lenses with flames in the center. 

Rory walked up to them with punch in her hand. "And the horns, too," she pointed out. 

"Fine. Well, don't stay out too late. And Rory, keep him away from eggs and toilet paper."

"I'll use all my heavenly powers."

Luke headed back to where Jay and Lorelai were standing. 

"You coming back tonight or no?" Jess asked as Luke was walking away.

Luke looked over at Jay in the gold bikini. "No."

Jess smirked. "Earn me an 'A,' Uncle Luke."

*                                              *                                              *

Lorelai was holding her little award for 'Best Female Costume' and trying not to throw it at Jay's head. It wasn't like Jay and Luke were blatantly making out on the dance floor, but the hand holding and exchanging of looks was beginning to grate her nerves like parmesan cheese.  She took a little solace in the fact that Jay gave up on getting Luke to dance, and had spent a good half hour getting jiggy with Kirk, who didn't have a date like always. 

Which left Luke free for Lorelai to talk to. 

"So, having fun?" she asked him, unable to tear her eyes away from Kirk's form of dancing. Although, she wasn't even sure if it could be labeled 'dancing.' It looked like he was an epileptic extra in a Richards Simmons, 'Sweatin' to the '80s Breakdancing Craze' video. 

"It beats giving candy to ungrateful kids."

"Wow, you give them candy? I figured you to be the guy who gives them those little boxes of raisins."

"This year I'm the guy who gives them nothing."

"How very Uncle Louie of you."

"They'll live."

"Follow me to the snack table and I'll eat a piece of fruit just for you," Lorelai said.

He nodded. "You don't have to eat the fruit," he said as he walked with her.

Lorelai let out a sigh of relief. "Good, because that carrot cake is calling my name. 'Lorelai!' Can't you hear it?"

"You know, carrot cake does have real carrots in it."

"Duh, I knew that. But it's also got yummy cream cheese icing." She popped a big piece in her mouth, and mumbled something.

"Try saying that again, Don Corleone."

Lorelai swallowed. "So, are you bummed about your repealed 'Best Couple' award?"

"I never accepted that damn thing, so it couldn't be repealed."

"It was funny when Taylor threw that hissy fit about you not being in costume, and how you should be disqualified."

"Nothing about it was funny. I'm blaming you, by the way."

Lorelai held her hands up in protest. "I swear to the gods of coffee that it wasn't me. Word on the street is Miss Patty did it. Or Babette. Or possibly Sookie. There's a small faction who think it was Jess." Lorelai frowned. "The word on the street isn't nearly as reliable as it used to be."

"But at least the drugs are still good."

Lorelai grinned. "Look at that. Luke made a joke! And some say it couldn't be done. Hey, Bootsy, Luke made a joke. A drug joke!"

Bootsy shrugged. "Luke is a joke."

"Get out of here before I stab you with Lorelai's stupid trophy," Luke threatened. Bootsy complied, grumbling as he walked away.

"My trophy isn't stupid."

"They gave you a trophy for coming in your underwear and a bowtie."

"And bunny ears! No one ever counts the ears."

"Yeah, well, it looks good on you," he admitted.

Lorelai tried to hide her excitement, and play it off like his seven words didn't make her heart hammer. "I bet you say that to all the bunnies."

Jay bounced up to them at that moment. "You guys are missing out on some great dancing. Actually, I only stopped because Kirk pulled a muscle and I didn't want to be out there alone. Ooh, carrot cake."

She took a piece one-eighth the size of the one Lorelai had taken. "You're eating cake!" Lorelai pointed out. Maybe Luke would dump her.

"Carrot cake. Carrots are healthy." 

Luke just shook his head. "How much longer are we going to be here?"

"We can go now, if you want. I wouldn't mind; you're looking pretty hot."

"Jesus," Luke grumbled, flushing slightly.

"It's fun to make him all flustered, don't you agree?" Jay playfully asked Lorelai.

"Oh, yeah, super fun. All the monkeys in that barrel are feeling a little threatened." Lorelai couldn't force her smile anymore for fear her face would break. 

"Bye, Lorelai!" Jay said.

Luke followed her. "See you tomorrow."

"Right. Tomorrow." Luke was out of earshot, but she was still talking. "The day after today. The day after you two have tons of horrible, Star Wars role playing sex. You are aware that Luke and Leia are siblings, right? So it's totally wrong." She watched them leave.

"You look particularly violent right now," Sookie said, coming up to Lorelai.

Lorelai shook her head. "What?"

"Well, you're staring _again, only this time there's a murderous glint in your eye, and it looked like you were talking to yourself." Sookie took the little trophy out of Lorelai's hand. "Let's just keep all pointy objects out of your grasp, okay?"_

Lorelai sighed. "Sookie, I think I'm jealous," she admitted.

"Took you long enough," Sookie muttered. 

Lorelai gave her a look. "Don't make this harder."

"Sorry." Sookie knew that it was a big step for Lorelai.

"I really do like her, but when she touches Luke I want to chop off her hands."

Sookie nodded knowingly. "Yep. That would be jealousy."

"And then deep fry her fingers."

"Okay, I get the point," Sookie said, grossed out.

"And look what I'm wearing!" Lorelai gestured to her outfit. "Could it be any more obvious that I'm trying to get his attention? I should have written a note on my boobs that said, 'Look at these, Luke!'"

"Well, you could have come as Eve, or Lady Godiva."

"I don't eat apples unless they're coated in caramel, and I don't know how to ride a horse."

"It's a good skill to have," Sookie commented. 

"When would I ever need to ride a horse?"

"If the horse's name is Luke…"

"Oh my god! Sookie, shut up!"

"Ride 'em cowboy! Or wait, I guess it would be 'cowgirl.' Ride 'em cowgirl!"

"Stop it! Stop it right now!"

Sookie giggled. "I think the punch is spiked."

"That is a definite possibility." 

"Okay, so wonderful. You've admitted you want Luke. Now, if you'll excuse me, Dorothy's gonna take the scarecrow to see the wizard. If you know what I mean."

"I wish to God I didn't." 

Sookie left to find Jackson, and Lorelai stood rooted to the spot, unable to get the horrible mental images of two of her favorite movies being completely defiled out of her head.

-end ch.10-

What are Rory and Jess up to? I don't know. I'll leave it up to you guys to interpret if they're friends or more than that. 

A/N 2: This was supposed to be a short fic to work on while I was stuck on my long fic. And now it's half the size of the long fic and not getting any smaller. But there're only about four chapters to go, so now we're getting to the good stuff. Finally!


	11. Shopping With the Enemy

*                                              *                                              *

Ch. 11: Shopping With the Enemy

*                                              *                                              *

"Extra pancakes today, please," Lorelai informed Luke.

"Why?"

"Because I need my strength. I plan on doing some vigorous physical activity today." 

Luke's eyebrows rose in disbelief. "Why?" The most physical activity Lorelai did was when she jumped up and down and begged for coffee.

Lorelai was shocked. "How can you not know? Today is Black Friday!"

"Is that some sort of Pagan holiday?"

"It's the day after Thanksgiving, Luke! The busiest retail day of the year with mad crazy sales!"

"I was wondering why you were in here at seven without grumbling about how much you hate the morning."

The bell tinkled, and Jay walked in, sweaty from her morning jog. Lorelai felt an instant wave of laziness wash over her. She had complained about walking to the Jeep in the morning. At least the colder weather had forced Jay to abandon her tank top and bicycle shorts for sweats. Lorelai suspected Kirk had an entire photo album devoted to the previous outfit.

"Lorelai!" she greeted. "Just the girl I wanted to see." She sat on the stool next to Lorelai, and leaned over the counter to give Luke a kiss on the cheek. Lorelai held back the urge to push her off the stool. "I was planning on hitting the Hartford malls, today being Black Friday and all, and was wondering if you might like to accompany me. It's always better to work in a team."

"That's what I told Rory!" Lorelai said, her excitement overriding her pre-programmed hostility. "But she said last year I traumatized her in my overzealousness, and declared a total embargo on shopping in November."

"What did you do to the poor girl?"

"Threatened to tie her to a rack of clothes with a belt so no one would steal them while I went to the dressing room," Lorelai said, nonchalantly taking a sip of coffee. "It wouldn't have been _that bad for her."_

"Sometimes, you frighten me," Luke said, not looking up from his daunting task of putting donuts in the display case without letting Lorelai steal one.

"Boo!" She stuck her hand out for a donut, and he smacked it lightly with the tongs.

"I'm going away from the girly shopping stuff now. Breakfast?" Luke asked Jay before leaving.

"Pancakes. They look good," she said, eyeing Lorelai's plate. 

He nodded and went back to the kitchen, calling over his shoulder, "Don't touch them!"

Lorelai guiltily lowered her hand from the donut case. "Meanie," she grumbled.

"So we can go together?" Jay asked.

"Yeah, that's fine," Lorelai answered Jay's question. "Oh, but I'm warning you now- you might have trouble keeping up with me. I'm like the Tasmanian Devil of shopping."

Jay grinned. "I think _you might have trouble keeping up with __me."_

"We'll just see about that." 

Jay got off the stool. "I'm gonna go shower away the funk now."

Before Lorelai could ask how she planned to go all the way back to her apartment and be back in time for the pancakes she'd ordered, Jay was already up the stairs to Luke's place. The implications of that were not good. The remaining friendliness in Lorelai decided to go on vacation, and brought jealousy in to house-sit. 

Lorelai had just started in on her pancakes about ten minutes later when Jay returned, showered and dressed and with her make-up already on. That's it, Lorelai decided. Jay couldn't possibly be human; no woman could get ready that fast. Maybe she was a demon. Or a succubus!

Lorelai watched Luke set a plate of whole wheat blueberry pancakes and a mug of green tea in front of Jay once she'd returned to the counter. Lorelai had been sitting there the whole time and she knew Jay hadn't specifically said 'blueberry' or 'whole wheat.' She'd just said 'pancakes.' 

Definitely a succubus. 

*                                              *                                              *

Their arms were already full, but neither woman was ready to stop. Lorelai was getting hungry though, so when they passed by the food court, she suggested a short lunch break.

They went their separate ways to procure food, then found a table in the crowded food court. 

"So, uh, did you get Luke a Christmas present yet? He can be a hard guy to shop for. One year, because we couldn't find him anything, Rory and I went an entire day without begging him for coffee as his present."

Jay laughed. "That must have been hard. I've seen you two beg, and it seems like a daily habit."

"Well, we ended up begging twice as much the next day." Lorelai took a sip of her coffee. "Maybe you could get Luke one of those cell phones that takes pictures for Christmas." And then he would dump her.

"Oh, no, I found his present already."

Lorelai practically seethed. Jay made it sound like it was the easiest thing in the world. She'd probably just gotten him a year's supply of wheat germ or something. 

Lorelai took a bite of her burger and looked at Jay's salad.

"You don't eat any meat at all?"

"I eat fish because I hate them. All creepy with their big fish eyes." Jay shuddered. "But that's only once in a while."

"And you don't miss stuff like hamburgers ever?" Lorelai asked incredulously. How could someone give up hamburgers when they were so yummy?

"Sometimes I get a craving. Especially when I first stopped eating beef. But it's been almost ten years, so I don't miss it too much anymore."

Ten years without a hamburger. Lorelai could barely grasp the concept. "Can I ask why you quit?"

"I was the baby of the family, so my dad retired from the Army when I was just finishing high school, and he bought a ranch in Montana. I spent the summer between high school and college there. It turns out beef doesn't come in nice little packages from the supermarket." 

Jay took a sip of her tea, and continued with the story. "One afternoon I was barbecuing, and a calf walked right up to me, and just gave me this _look. I could almost hear her voice in my head, 'You're grilling my mommy!' I dropped the spatula and ran back into the house." _

Lorelai swallowed, her burger suddenly tasteless. "I can see how that would be creepy."

Jay nodded. "It was just so Outer Limits-y, you know?" 

Lorelai choked on her burger. She motioned that she was okay when Jay gave her a concerned look. Lorelai finished her hamburger with a lot less relish, and not the kind made from pickles. Jay stabbed at her salad. Lorelai wasn't sure how anyone could eat raw broccoli and cauliflower. They were only good cooked in butter or cheese. 

"Also, the worldwide demand for beef increases every year, and cows contribute a significant percentage of methane to the atmosphere, and methane's a nasty greenhouse gas. They slash and burn the rainforest in South America to make pasture land because it's one of the few ways to turn a profit, only the problem is that after a few years, it loses its fertility and they end up slashing and burning even more rainforest."

Luke had only said 'red meat'll kill you.' Lorelai much preferred his speech. This was like eating lunch with Bono. 

*                                                          *                                                          *

"Rory!" Lorelai called from the front door, nearly staggering under the weight of her purchases.

"Please tell me that's all you bought," Rory said, walking in from the kitchen.

Lorelai snorted. "There are a whole bunch of bags waiting for you to bring them in from the Jeep."

Rory groaned. 

"Half the stuff is for you," Lorelai informed her.

Rory was out the door. Lorelai put the bags in the living room and went out to help Rory. 

They dumped the last of the bags on the pile Lorelai had begun in the living room.

"Whatcha get me?" Rory asked.

"How polite."

"Please, tell me what you got me, Dear Mother."

Lorelai took one bag and tossed it up the stairs. "Well, those are your Christmas presents so you'll have to wait another month to see those." Rory began upending bags and ooh-ing at the stuff that was for her, and tossing aside the stuff that wasn't.

Lorelai put the stuff that wasn't for her or Rory away. "I got everyone on the list done. It's like a new record. I have no more need to do Christmas shopping."

"Yeah, like that will stop you from going to the mall." Rory went through another bag, and nearly died laughing.

"What?" Lorelai said, trying to see what was so funny. "Did you find the shirt with the picture of the monkey that looks like he's on crack? Because that's so mine."

Rory laughed again. "No. It's the picture of you and Jay with Santa Claus. Just how old are you guys again?"

Lorelai snatched the Polaroid from Rory. "The guy playing Head Elf was totally hot."

"Was it the pointy shoes that did it for you?"

"He was super hot! I'm talking Legolas in 'Lord of the Rings' hot!"

Rory stopped laughing. "In that case…" She put the picture on the side table. "Nice to see you and Jay have the same taste in guys."

Lorelai frowned. 

"So did you enjoy your little outing with the enemy?"

"She's not the enemy," Lorelai lamely defended.

"Whatever you say," Rory played along, but she knew her mother too well. "How much info did you get out of her?"

Lorelai dropped the shirt she was holding and dished. "Okay, so she has four older brothers which accounts for why she knows all about sports and stuff, and one of them, I don't remember which, was signed by the Braves and that's why she likes them so much, but he's on their minor league team or something so I can't get the hook up with any hot millionaire baseball players."

"You don't even know who any are."

"That Ken Griffey Jr. guy was on the back of a cereal box once. I know him."

Rory rolled her eyes. "Okay, go on then."

"She's moved fourteen times in her life, and before New York she lived in Seattle, and highly recommends that if we ever think of leaving Stars Hollow, we should move there, because there are a minimum of three coffee shops on every block."

"Ooh, good call," Rory said.

"She thinks Kirk's cool."

Rory dropped the pair of shoes she was looking at. "What?"

"I know! It's so weird, that someone thinks Kirk's weirdness is not weird at all. Isn't that one of the signs of the Apocalypse?"

"That and 'Glitter.'"

"Oh, that reminds me, we need to rent it and make fun of it."

Rory nodded. "Let's also get 'Titanic' again. One disaster deserves another."

Lorelai got up. "Let's go now. We can hit Luke's for coffee."

"And maybe some flirting," Rory added.

"I wasn't going to flirt," Lorelai defended. Rory arched an eyebrow. Lorelai frowned. "I don't like how observant and knowing you are."

Rory shrugged her shoulders. "I'll try to hide in my room and hate the world and write poetry about how no one understands me later."

"That's better." Lorelai put her coat back on. "Oh, and she made me listen to Def Leppard on the way back," she added.

Rory should have known her mom wasn't done discussing Jay. "You love Def Leppard."

"Not anymore," Lorelai grumbled. They walked outside and got in the Jeep. "Are you ready for the bomb to be dropped?"

"Fire away."

"They offered her a permanent position at the school."

"Is she taking it?"

Lorelai started the Jeep with a vicious turn of her wrist. "Yes." Lorelai faced the implications of that all over again; a part of her had been counting on Jay leaving at the end of the school year. Now, she was staying in Star's Hollow. For good. With Luke, for good.

Rory bit her lip as she too, understood what that meant. "That's not good."


	12. Pigskins and Sex Pistols

*                                              *                                              *

Ch. 12: Pigskins and Sex Pistols

*                                              *                                              *

"What is going on here?" Rory asked Lorelai as they spotted a commotion in the square.

"Maybe there's a lynching," Lorelai suggested. Maybe they were lynching science teachers for that whole evolution thing again. 

"It seems to be a sport of some kind."

"Lynching is a sport. I saw it on ESPN3. It came on right after the Lumberjack contest."

"Lynch is a funny word," Rory pointed out. "But not a funny thing. Isn't that funny, but weird funny? Now that I think about it, 'funny' is a weird word too."

"You think that's funny, you should see the lumberjacks. There's one event where they run on a log in the water. I thought they only did that in Bugs Bunny cartoons!"

They reached the square and saw that it was actually a game of touch football. "Let's be cheerleaders!" Rory suggested. 

"Good idea," Lorelai said, and they both sat down on a nearby bench. When it looked like something good happened, they idly raised their hands and said 'Yay,' in monotone voices.

"What're you two doing here?"

Lorelai looked up at Luke. He had on a long sleeved sweater thing, and no flannel. It was very confusing. "I'm sorry, who are you?"

"We're cheerleaders," Rory explained.

"Rory, don't talk to strangers," Lorelai chided.

"I know I'm gonna regret this, but you wanna join the game? You could at least block."

"Or we can sit here on the bench and be cheerleaders and look pretty and vacant."

"We're pretty vacant," Rory bubbled in her cheerleader voice. 

"Can you believe Tiffany? She and Brett were totally all over each other. What a ho!"

"Like, oh my god, no way!" Rory played along. 

"I so need to get out of here," Luke muttered.

"He _so needs to get out of here," Lorelai repeated in her cheerleader voice._

"I didn't say it like that!" 

"Like, I didn't say it like that!" Rory echoed.

"You two are insane!" He stalked back over to the game.

They turned their attention back to the action, as much as a rag-tag game of touch football starring people like Jackson, Kirk, Bootsy, Andrew, and the Collins kid, among others could be called 'action.' 

"Do you think Luke's the quarterback?" Lorelai asked. "That's the only position I know." She smirked, "Football-wise, that is."

Rory groaned.

"I'd call him the tight end, instead," Miss Patty answered from behind them. "And what a nice end it is." 

Lorelai made room for her on the bench, and the three of them watched the guys play. At some point, the troubadour wandered up and began singing an acoustic version of 'Are You Ready For Some Football?'

"Did you see that?" Lorelai said when Luke threw the ball to Andrew, who was all the way across the square. "He threw it like a thousand feet!"

"Impressive," Rory agreed.

Both Lorelai and Miss Patty were thinking dirty Luke thoughts at that moment. 

"Bowl fever strikes again," Jay said as she walked up to the bench, two bags from Doose's in her arms.

Lorelai grimaced. How was she supposed to enjoy her Luke thoughts now? "Is that like E. bola?" she asked.

Jay laughed. "No, it's an affliction that strikes many men in the days between Christmas and New Year's. Rose Bowl, Orange Bowl, Fiesta Bowl, Sugar Bowl," she explained, as if the words actually meant something to Lorelai. She set her bags on the ground. "They must have been excited; that entire week without snow left the ground clear to play on."

"Global warming doesn't look too bad now, does it?" Lorelai joked. 

"Until the summer when you complain how hot it is," Rory pointed out.

Luke must have spotted them, because he called for Jay to join them. She took off her coat and obliged. 

"No fair," Bootsy pointed out. "Now you've got an extra player." 

"Lorelai, join us!" Jay suggested.

"What? Are you crazy?"

"Yeah, I'll second that," Luke said.

Lorelai stood up. "You think I can't cut it?" she asked him, a challenge in her voice. 'Anything Jay could do, Lorelai could do better' was her new motto.

Luke just shook his head. Lorelai handed her purse to Rory.

"Mom…" Rory warned.

"Don't worry, Rory, I took P.E. in high school."

"Oh, now I'm so relieved," Rory sarcastically replied.

"Although I did skip that class a lot," she admitted, and joined the group, glad that she'd worn her sneakers today. 

"You're on my team," Jackson told her.

"Unfortunately for you," Luke added.

Lorelai stuck her tongue out at him. She turned to Jackson. "Okay, what do I do?"  
  


"You can be the center. After you snap me the ball…"

Lorelai cut him off. "Snap?"

"Pass the ball to me between your legs."

"This game is so dirty."

Jackson flushed. "Okay, so you just pass me the ball when we're on offense. Offense is when we have the ball," he clarified before she could ask.

"And when we're on defense, we don't have the ball, so what do I do?"

"Then you pretend that the ball is a big mug of coffee, and you go run over to Luke and try to get it from him."

"I can do that!"

"Good, because you're going to do that right now, since we're on defense." Jackson pointed to a make believe line on the ground. "That's the line of scrimmage. Now just stand there until the ball moves and don't cross it before that."

"Scrimmage is also a funny word," Lorelai said, taking her place. 

Kirk snapped the ball to Luke, and everyone rushed past her. Lorelai jogged up to Luke, who was searching down field for an open receiver.

"Give it to me!" she said, taking a step closer and following Jackson's advice to pretend the football was coffee.

"No."

"Please," she whined.

"No."

She lunged for it, and Luke jumped back and held the ball over his head.

"But I want it!" 

He sidestepped her before she could tag him. "You can't have it."

"But I _need it!" _

He dodged another lunge. "Get open, damn you," he muttered.

Lorelai stopped lunging and bounced on her toes. "Please, please, please, Luke?" She smiled and batted her eyelashes. His arm went back and he threw the ball. Lorelai tried to catch it, but it was way over her head. Someone must have caught it and done something good, because another unenthusiastic 'Yay' came from Rory.

Luke looked at her. "That is the weirdest way to play football I have ever seen."

"Jackson told me to pretend the ball was coffee."

"That explains it. Now go away."

"What?" Lorelai couldn't believe he was being rude to her.

"Go back to your team, or you'll be offsides."

"Oh, football stuff, gotcha." Lorelai joined her teammates on their side of the scrimmage line. She giggled to herself. "Scrimmage."

Jackson gave her the ball, and she mimicked what Kirk had done. "You guys better not be looking at my butt," she said, then hiked the ball when Jackson told her to.

"Lorelai, try to scare off any people coming towards me," Jackson suggested. 

Kirk was scampering up, intent on sacking Jackson. Lorelai ran up to him. "You can't go past me!"

"Why not?" he asked, and tried to get around her.

"Because I'll steal your last shred of dignity and yank your sweatpants down."

Kirk stopped in his tracks. "Good block." He backed away from her. 

Lorelai grinned. "Man, I am so good at football."

"Lorelai!"  
  


She turned around. "What?"

"Catch!" Jackson threw her the ball. She was only a few feet away, and caught it. 

"Now what?"

"Run towards the far bench and try not to let anyone tag you."

Lorelai groaned. "But I've run so much already," she complained, heading down the field. She managed to dodge Andrew, but the Collins kid smacked her on the butt while she darted around him.

"Hey!" she yelled, turning around to glare at him. "I might have put up with that if you were cleaning my rain gutters, but you aren't. It's TOUCH football, not Smack-Lorelai-on-the-Ass football."

"What's the hold up?" Luke called out.

"Josh smacked Lorelai's behind. She's not very happy," Kirk informed him. "I wouldn't be happy either. But since I'm never happy…"

Luke didn't hear the rest of Kirk's pathetic monologue. He stalked over to the Collins kid and grabbed him by the shirt. "You touch any part of Lorelai again and I will cut off your hands so you can't try anything funny like that ever."

Josh held up his hands. "Yo, chill out! It wasn't on purpose!"

"Please. You're the biggest perv."

Josh looked at her. "_You were the one who did that to Taylor's produce!"_

"It's true. I saw her. I have pictures, too," Kirk added.

Luke gave Josh a shake and let go of him. Miss Patty was applauding from the bench. "Wonderful show, everybody!"

Luke grunted. Lorelai tried not to smile. She liked Growly Protective Luke. They went back to their positions for the second down. Lorelai hiked the ball to Jackson again, and this time he threw it to Bootsy. 

Who never caught it, because it was intercepted by Jay. She ran up the field, her path clear. Lorelai groaned. Did she have to do _everything on this team? She managed to tag Jay. Luke's team gathered there for their second down._

She pointed at Luke. "You're going down!" she threatened, because that's what they always said in football movies to the quarterback.

"Not now, honey, but I'm sure he will tonight!" Miss Patty called from the bench.

"Patty!" both Luke and Lorelai said. 

Jay blushed. "That woman has ears like a bat."  

"Just hike the damn ball, Kirk," Luke quickly said, anxious to forget that little verbal exchange.

Kirk complied, and Lorelai chased down Luke. He darted to the left and she followed. Her foot landed in a spot that was still icy, and she slid. Luke forgot about the game and tried to catch her, only his foot slid on the same patch of ice and they fell together, Lorelai hitting the ground before him and breaking his fall a little. 

"Uhhh," she groaned, because Luke was heavy and she wasn't, and she didn't know the exact equation, but physics dictated that it hurt a lot. The sharp pain from when he landed dulled, and she was suddenly aware that if they weren't wearing clothes, their position would be a whole lot more fun.

"You okay?"

Lorelai nodded, still lying on the ground. "Hey, at least I got you in the sack," she said.

Luke must have realized what Lorelai already had because he practically jumped off her. He held his hand out and helped her up. "Uh, I think you meant to say that you sacked me."

"Right." She brushed the mud from her backside. 

At that moment, a horrifying, girly shriek emanated from the sidewalk. All the players turned to see what the commotion was.

Taylor was pointing very agitatedly at the scuff in the grass from Luke and Lorelai's slip. 

"Uh oh, he can't even find the words to scold us," Lorelai said.

Taylor pointed some more. "You…how…what were you thinking?" He looked at all of them. "This grass is the embodiment of the community of Stars Hollow. It symbolizes everything that is good about our town. It's neat, and orderly, and perfect, and now you people have just torn it up for a silly game of football."

Luke threw the football at Taylor. "So get a new Save the Grass fundraiser."

Taylor managed to duck out of the way before the football hit him in the head. "I think we just will!"

-end ch. 12-

A/N: 'Pretty Vacant' is a Sex Pistols song.


	13. Hot Firemen and Their Long Hoses

*                                              *                                              *

Ch. 13: Hot Firemen and Their Long Hoses

*                                              *                                              *

Luke wiped the counter for the fiftieth time in the same spot, his eyes never looking down at the actual task he was performing.

"So, what are we staring at now?" 

"I'm not staring." To prove his point, Luke turned his gaze from the window and down to the counter.

Jess snorted. "Looks to me like you were staring at Lorelai."

"I was not," Luke denied. His gaze flickered back up from the counter, looking out the window again, where Lorelai was outside having a conversation with a man Luke didn't know. 

"So you were staring at the hunky piece of manhood she's talking to instead? Never really figured you to swing that way, but wonders never cease."

"No!" Luke tossed the rag under the counter. "I wasn't staring at the guy."

"So you _were staring at Lorelai." _

"I wasn't staring at anyone!" Luke nearly yelled. He crossed his arms, and in a more placid voice added, "and you were the one who called him hunky."

"Can't one man openly comment on another man's looks without being labeled?" Jess mocked.

"Who are we labeling?" Jay asked, returning from the restroom and only catching the last snippet of Jess's sentence.

Luke rolled his eyes. "No one."

"Except the guy talking with Lorelai outside," Jess informed her.

"Look at him," Luke couldn't help but insult the guy. "With his stupid Brad Pitt hair, and why the hell does he keep smiling?"

"Someone's jealous," Jess muttered under his breath. 

If Jay heard him, she didn't let on about it. When she looked out the window, a smile crept over her face. She turned back to Luke. "You think his hair's stupid?"

Luke shrugged. He cast another glance out the window. Now Lorelai was laughing; she even touched the guy on his arm. Luke frowned. Lorelai looked like she was now squeezing the guy's bicep. Luke frowned even harder. 

Jay stood up. 

"Where're you going?" Luke asked. She had a smirk on her face, which generally indicated she was up to something.

Jay flipped a lock of hair over her shoulder. "Oh, I was just going outside to tell my brother you think his hair is stupid."

Luke was speechless. Jess snickered, then after a withering look from Luke, headed off to do a half-assed job of serving. 

"Your brother?" Luke finally managed.

She nodded. "One of them."

"Which?" Luke asked. She had four, or something, if he remembered correctly. Two were married.

"Larry, the firefighter," she elaborated. "He said he might get New Year's off to visit, since he was on duty during Christmas." 

"Oh." Luke knew he was one of the unmarried ones. He frowned again.

"I think someone _is jealous," Jay teased over her shoulder as she walked out of the diner. Luke watched from inside as she hugged her brother, then smiled at Lorelai._

The three of them stood and talked for a while, and Luke forced himself not to look outside anymore. He did glance up when he brought food to a window table, however. He saw Lorelai leave and head for the diner; he had a cup of coffee ready before she even sat down.

"New friend?" he asked.

Lorelai smirked. "I guess you could call him that; we had sex in the alley just now."

"Liar." Still, he had to resist the urge to go out and punch the guy.

Lorelai sipped the coffee. "You know me too well."

Luke nodded. "I do. So, what do you want?"

Lorelai put down her coffee and raised her eyebrows. "Man, that is just freaky. How did you know I wanted something?"

"You have that look on your face." 

"What look?" She asked with false innocence. 

He pointed to her face. "That one. So spill."

Lorelai dropped the innocent act. "My porch swing broke."

"So all those brownies are catching up to you."

Lorelai gasped. "Are you saying I'm fat?" She twisted around in the chair and tried to see her butt.

"I didn't say that." He couldn't help smirking, though.

She pouted. "Now I don't want you to fix my swing."

"I'm sure Kirk would be happy to do it," Luke offered.

A horrified look crossed her face. "Pleeeaaase fix my swing."

Luke didn't answer right away. Lorelai pouted even harder. He gave in. "After the lunch rush."

"Yay!" She picked her coffee up and impulsively kissed him on the cheek. Luke watched her go, his cheek tingling.

*                                              *                                              *

Lorelai watched as Luke balanced on a ladder, using power tools she couldn't identify to reattach the swing to the roof of the porch.

"Done yet?" She didn't know how long she could stare at his butt before her common sense took a vacation and she would reach out and grab it. Funny how she'd never really checked out Luke's butt before, but now that it was at her eye level she couldn't help herself.

"For the twentieth time, no. I'll tell you when I'm done."

Lorelai sighed quite audibly. "Bob Villa would have fixed it by now." At least Bob Villa's butt didn't tempt her. 

"Bob Villa isn't here."

"How sad. I was totally getting into 'This Old House.'" 

"You were not."

"I learned how to retile a bathroom. I was thinking of putting that knowledge to use."

Luke shook his head and screwed in the final bolt. "That could be an amusing event." He climbed down the ladder and put the drill away. "Done."

"Finally!" Damn. Now that his butt was no longer at eye level, his chest was. Naughty Luke thoughts seemed to be taking over her mind lately. 

"Yes, it must have been hard to wait for twenty-five minutes."

"If I was a butterfly that would be almost a year of my butterfly life."

Luke ignored her curious knowledge about the lifespan of a butterfly. "Do you want to test it out?"

Lorelai eyed him suspiciously. "Do I?"

"I didn't rig it to break or anything."

She didn't lose an ounce of suspicion. "Didn't you?"

Luke sighed. "Look, I'll sit on it with you."

"Deal."

They both sat down on the swing. Lorelai looked up nervously at the roof where the chain was bolted. 

"See?" Luke said. "Nothing to worry about."

That's what he thought. Luke was unaware that he was in very serious danger of having his bones jumped. Of course, she didn't tell him that. Instead, she made the swing her number one priority. "It does seem fixed."

"It is fixed."

"Only one way to know for sure," Lorelai said, and put her foot on the ground, then pushed hard. The swing rocked wildly back and forth. Luke clutched the arm rest.

"Now I know how it broke."

"Oh, no. It broke when Aerosmith's tour bus stopped outside the house asking for directions, but somehow it ended up turning into a major party. It was so cool."

"And the swing broke because you and Steven Tyler were getting friendly on it," Luke humored her.

"Of course!"

"Do you sell tickets to the fantasy world you live in?"

"Nah, it might put Disney out of business."

"I fail to see the problem."

They sat quietly, the swing slowing to a gentle rock. Questions formed in Lorelai's mind but never quite made it to her tongue. But without speaking, she was going back to those Naughty Luke thoughts. His body was so close to hers, the swing being just big enough for two, the sides of his thighs occasionally brushing hers, their shoulders touching, his warmth so inviting in the deep winter chill. 

She had to say something or else she'd end up putting her lips to a much different use. 

"So….new year coming up." Oh, very clever. She was world renowned for her ability to talk and this was the best she could come up with.

"Yeah. They always start out so slow, but before you know it, you're at another stupid party and it's another year already."

"I guess that whole thing about time flying is irrefutable. I mean, look at Rory. It feels like yesterday I was thinking 'hey! Why bother to put diapers on her if she just gets them dirty every two hours!' and now she's sending out college applications."

Luke's eyebrows drew together. "You didn't put diapers on her?"

"Of course I did, I couldn't have her going all over the inn. Though it would have been much easier if she could. But hey, time to change the subject."

"Gladly."

Lorelai gave the swing a much gentler push this time, making it rock slightly back and forth. Unfortunately- or fortunately- the motion pushed her closer to Luke. Oh, she could have pulled away but then he might think she was uncomfortable being that close to him. See, there were all these intricacies when it came to close physical proximity to a guy who wasn't your boyfriend but damn, you wished that he was. Maybe she could write a book on it.

Definitely time to change the subject. "Going to any parties?" 

Luke shrugged. "I try to make a quick appearance and then get the hell out of there at the town gathering, but Jay likes them, so I might end up staying till midnight. You going?"

Lorelai tried not to cringe at the mention of Jay. "Rory and I never miss it. And Babette's planning a bitching after-party."

Luke frowned. "One party isn't enough for you, is it?" he teased.

Lorelai grinned. "I'm a wild woman. See aforementioned Aerosmith party reference."

"So, you and Jay's brother seemed to hit it off," Luke casually began, and Lorelai got a hopeful feeling. Was Luke jealous?

"Well, we had a nice little introduction, but it wasn't anything big. He stopped me and said good morning, and I thought, 'hey who is this cute guy that I've never seen around before' and then he asked me if I knew where Luke's diner was, and I said 'boy golly do I ever!'"

Luke cut her off. "'Boy golly'?"

"You gonna let me tell the story or not? So like I was saying, I said 'Boy golly do I ever!' and I pointed across the street and he said, 'I thought that was William's Hardware,' so see, Taylor _was right, your sign __does confuse the tourists."_

"Only the stupid ones."

"He may be stupid but he sure is pretty. I've always wanted my very own Ty from Trading Spaces doll, and this one's life sized!"

"I wasn't aware you liked that whole Abercrombie look." 

"Ooh, sarcasm. The first stage of jealousy," Lorelai teased. 

Luke shook his head. "Yeah, I'm so jealous of a guy who can't even figure out where the diner is when Stars Hollow is the size of a postage stamp."

"Sarcasm again!" She poked his thigh with her finger for emphasis.

Luke snatched her finger and gave it a squeeze. "I'm not letting go until you take that back."

"Take what back?" she innocently asked, blinking up at him. 

"Your insane jealousy theory." He gave her finger an even tighter squeeze.

"So now you're _insanely jealous?" She teased. He squeezed her finger harder in response. "Please, Luke, I popped Rory out and no pain you inflict upon me can be greater than the pain she inflicted."_

Luke dropped her finger. "You're right." 

"Oh, that sounded so good. Say it again."

"You're right. I can't hurt you." He gave her a wicked smile, one he rarely used because it meant he was in a playful mood, and Luke wasn't the kind of guy who was often in a playful mood. "But I can do this."

With that said, his hand shot out and his fingers dug lightly into her ribs. Lorelai squealed and tried to get away. His other arm held her down while he continued to tickle her, and she vainly struggled to squirm away from him.

"Stop!" she managed to beg between laughs. He didn't listen to her, and instead tickled her harder. She screamed, squirmed, and managed to squirm her way right off the swing and fell onto the porch.

She looked up at him from the floor. "See what you did," she light-heartedly scolded. "Bad Luke!"

"You'll recover," he dismissed. He poked her with the toe of his shoe. "Get up."

"I can't. I've been seriously injured," she lied.

Luke stood up, and made his way to the door of the house. "I'm gonna go inside and make some coffee. I hope the door doesn't accidentally lock behind me."

Lorelai jumped up from the floor. "Ooh! Coffee!"

Luke held the door open and she went back inside. "Those injuries sure seemed to heal fast," he dryly commented.

Lorelai winked at him. "I've been telling you that coffee fixes everything for years now. Jeesh, don't you ever listen?"

*                                                          *                                              *

Lorelai had a disease. A black, disgusting, gnawing at her own insides disease. One that festered inside her, getting bigger with every day. 

"Oh, honey, you do not look good."

"Thanks, Sookie."

"I haven't seen you this pouty since Mystery Science Theater aired their final episode."

"Why her?" Lorelai blurted.

"Why her what?"

Lorelai gulped down the rest of her champagne. "Why'd he kiss her?"

"Still obsessing over Luke?" Sookie followed Lorelai's line of sight until she spotted Luke talking with Jay and her brother. It confirmed her question.

Lorelai made a large gesture with her arm; she wasn't as drunk as the girls in that Sorority show on MTV, but she was a little toasted. She'd be ringing in the New Year with a nice little buzz. "I'm not obsessing, I'm just concentrating on it a lot. There's a difference."

"And that would be?"

Lorelai ignored that. "I mean, he knew her for what, like two months before he kissed her. He's known me for years."

"But you've never let him know that you wanted anything more from him. How's he supposed to know you want him to kiss you when you didn't even know you wanted him to kiss you? Did that make any sense?"

Lorelai shrugged. "Don't ask me, I've had too many of these." She wiggled the empty champagne glass before setting it down on a nearby table. "But everyone says it was so obvious. Why couldn't he see it?"

"Because he's terrified. You're like, his best friend, and he could lose you. Luke's not a risk taker."

"But I flirted!"

"You always flirt. He doesn't know it's special; you flirt with the teenage guys who work at the ice cream store so they'll give you bigger scoops. You even went on a few dates since He Who Shall Remain Nameless bailed, and Luke was probably thinking, 'See, she's never gonna see me that way.' And then along comes a nice, attractive girl who likes him, and he likes her, and he thinks, 'Maybe I should stop waiting for Lorelai, because I've already waited for years and at this rate, there'll be a colony on Mars before she goes out with me.'"

"A colony on Mars?"

Sookie rolled her eyes. "2001: A Space Odyssey was on last night."

Lorelai sighed, and wished the stupid New Year would come already, and they could do the stupid countdown, and then she could go to Babette's party and not have to see Luke and Jay together. Her bitter mood suddenly surprised her. There was a party, and plenty of champagne and snacks, but she was miserable. She really was in a bad place. "Maybe I should tell him then. How I feel, or how I think I feel."

Sookie shook her head. "I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Dave."

"Why not?"

"Because he's got a girlfriend now. That would be so unfair to him, and to Jay. You'd be like the Grinch. If y'know, the Grinch dated. Which I don't think he did. Bad example. So forget about the Grinch, and just focus on the fact that you can't do that, not if you really consider yourself to be his friend."

Lorelai nodded. "You're right."

*                                              *                                  *

Sookie was _so wrong, Lorelai thought as she furiously wrote on her Garfield stationary. This letter was even longer than her apology one, and that one had taken her hours to write. She flipped the page and was writing on the very last piece of paper. Maybe it would be good to stop now. With a final thought, she decided on a good closing and folded the sheets of paper up, stuffing them into an envelope. It barely closed._

When she got up from the desk she looked at the clock; it was 4:13 a.m. She'd left Babette's party early, staying only about an hour. Had she really been writing the whole time? Suddenly, she was tired, but she had to deliver it, while she still had the courage. Running down the stairs, she pulled her warmest coat on over her pajamas and slipped on the first pair of shoes she could find. The drive to the diner was short, and she kept thinking over and over how she was doing the right thing. The only thing. Just admit her feelings once and for all.

She left the Jeep running in the street, and hopped out. With a few quick steps, she was at the door. Now or never, she thought. 

Now. Definitely now. She pushed the envelope under the door, and drove home.

-end ch 13-

Thanks to Rebe for pointing out serious points that needed fixed, and Saffron for knowing that it was "Steven" and not "Stephen" Tyler, as I was having a total brain spaz.

Sorry it's been so long since I updated- I was on a roll for the first 12 chapters but then my roll turned into a stale piece of toast. Plus, I had a lot of real-life stuff to get taken care of, and a lot of FUN stuff to do too…among the FUN stuff was…

Meeting Mike Nelson and Kevin Murphy from Mystery Science Theater!!!

Hehe. It was like a dream come true. Plus, they were super nice and very smart, unlike many other entertainment industry people I've come in contact with (cough, James Marsters, cough G)

So yeah- that's why I threw in that MST reference earlier. As an homage. Hope you guys aren't disappointed by the chapter since I made you wait so long for it- but not to fret, b/c it's only getting better from here. The next chapter's almost done, and Luke and Lorelai are quite excited about the circumstances…

Stay tuned. :)


	14. Getting More Than Their Feet Wet

*                                  *                                  *

Ch. 14: Getting More Than Their Feet Wet

*                                  *                                  *

"Damn ducks!" Lorelai grumbled, her fist thumping the clock until the blasted animals stopped shrieking at her. Why the hell did she ever think that would be a good noise to wake up to?

She stumbled down to the kitchen, but like always, food was not really in abundance. It looked like another diner breakfast.

The diner. The place where she had left a twelve page long letter to Luke professing her burning need for him. Oh, Jesus Christ. Was she on drugs last night? Abducted by aliens? How in the hell had she ever thought that would be a good idea!

Once again, she threw on the first pair of shoes she could find and pulled on a heavy coat on the way to the jeep, then hauled ass to the diner.

Jess was behind the counter. 

"Luke!" She shouted at him, her panic taking a toll on her ability to form her thoughts into complete sentences.

"No, Jess," he corrected, as if talking to a very slow three-year old.

"I know you're Jess! Where's Luke! I need Luke!"

"Got an itch you can't scratch yourself?" Jess smirked.

"What? No, I'm not itchy." She was so panicked the connotation flew right over her head. "A letter!" She yelled at Jess.

"Um, 'R'. That's a good letter."

"No!"

"Okay, fine, you don't like 'R.' How about 'J'? That's a nice letter. Luke seems to like it a lot."

"Was there a letter on the floor when you opened the diner? Did Luke get it? Did he read it? He can't read it!"

"Can't read what?" Luke asked, coming in from the kitchen.

Lorelai froze. "Um. The newspaper. There's this whole article on whale hunting that I knew would make you angry so I'm just protecting you from it."

Jess put down the coffee pot. "Oh, now that you mention it, there _was some sort of stationary thing lying by the door when I opened this morning. Cute little Garfield envelope."_

"What the hell is going on?" Luke asked. "Why are you in your pajamas?" he added when he noticed what Lorelai was wearing.

Lorelai ignored him. "Jess, where did the cute little Garfield envelope go?" she asked, filling the question with fake sweetness so she wouldn't reach over and strangle the kid.

Jess smiled. "That Garfield, he's one funny cat. Always after lasagna. Hmm, I seem to recall I put the letter under the counter here, but you never know…he could have gotten another lasagna craving and wandered off."

Luke looked under the counter and pulled something out. "This it?" His name was written on the front. "Jess, why didn't you give it to me?"

"Because I don't own any shirts that say U.S. Postal Service on them. And really, when you think about it, do you _want me to be a mailman?"_

Luke thought about it, and imagined the headlines. "No. But next time, just give it to me right away."

"Lesson learned, Uncle Luke." 

"Don't call me that."

"Aw, I can finally call you 'Daddy?'"

"Get back to work," Luke grumbled. 

Jess picked up the coffee pot and left the counter. "Yes, Daddy."

Luke rolled his eyes. 

Lorelai, during the entire exchange, hadn't been able to move a muscle. She stood frozen to her spot. Luke was holding the letter. Luke was holding THE letter. He couldn't read it. She was fairly certain the world would end if he did. 

"Give it back to me," she demanded.

Luke looked at her. "Why?"

"Because I wrote it and therefore I own it and I want it back." She lunged over the counter and tried to snatch it from him. Luke held it over his head. Damn him for being taller than her.

"What's so important?"

Lorelai climbed on a stool, then stepped onto the counter and yanked it out of his hand. "Nothing."

Luke looked shocked. "Did you just walk on my counter?"

"Bye!" Lorelai said, and ran towards the door. She had the letter, and she wasn't going to hang around and idly chit chat until it was destroyed for good.

Luke wasn't going to let her off that easy. He followed her out the door, ignoring the cold blast of air, and since she didn't hear him sneak up on her, he managed to grab it out of her hand.

"HEY!" She yelled, almost having a heart attack.

"It's for me, it has my name on it, and I think I should read it."

He took a step away from her, and she followed. He took two steps; she also took two steps. 

"Give it," she said, her voice threatening.

"Get it," he replied.

She lunged at him and he dodged, jogging away from her. She followed suit, her coat flapping open and her pajamas not doing much to protect her from the cold. They were lucky it was seven thirty, and not many people were around to witness the spectacle.

Lorelai caught up to him and actually jumped on his back like a monkey. "Give it!"  
  


Luke reached behind himself and pried her off him. "Oh, I think not. There's got to be a reason you want it so bad."

Lorelai lunged at him again and he ran away, past the gazebo and towards the trees. She followed him, not quite as fast as he was but still not too far behind. He stopped at the edge of the bridge. The wood had a thin layer of ice on it and he wasn't crazy enough to risk killing himself.

"Luke, I swear to any god that will listen that if you don't give that to me, I will never ever set foot in your diner again."

Luke snorted and took a few careful steps backwards, reaching the middle of the bridge. "Yeah right."

Lorelai followed him onto the bridge. "Fine, okay, I was lying. But if you don't give that letter to me, you _will regret it." _

She advanced on him like an Old West gunslinger, her fingers clenching and unclenching.

Luke ripped open the envelope. "I think I'll just see what's so damn important."

Lorelai panicked. He could _not read the letter. Nothing good would come of it. Only bad things. Bad, horrible, friendship-ending things. She made a decision._

She lunged, wrapping her arms around his waist and putting all her strength into pushing him. His expression was incredulous as he slid on the icy surface, and felt himself going over the edge. Reflexively, he grabbed Lorelai.

Both fell off the bridge and into the lake. It had only iced over in patches, and even that ice was thin. 

Lorelai screamed when she broke the surface. 

Luke didn't scream because that wasn't very manly, but he cursed a nice blue streak.

"What is your problem?" Lorelai yelled at him.

"Mine? _You pushed __me in. I just brought you along for the ride!"_

"Whatever!" was the brilliant reply she came up with, because her brain had frozen and couldn't think of anything better to say.

Luke looked at the letter, which was still in his hand. The water had made the ink run, rendering it illegible. "All this just for a stupid letter. Are you happy now? It's gone."

Lorelai shivered. "Yeah. Happy."

Luke also shivered. He waded over to the edge, and Lorelai followed. "We have to get out of these wet clothes before we die."

They walked quickly back to the diner, so frozen they could barely move. Lorelai fumbled in her coat pocket for her keys. Luke pushed her away from the Jeep and into the diner. "Jay's got some clothes upstairs you can borrow, so don't bother to drive home all wet."

Lorelai found the prospect of freezing to death on the way home better than wearing Luke's girlfriend's clothes. She started to argue, but Luke wouldn't hear it, he just grabbed her by the coat and half dragged her into the diner. 

Jess and the three customers stared at them when they entered.

"Don't even say anything," he shot at Jess, and then looked at the customers. "You people either."

"And I thought I was the only one bad enough to go in the lake. You two must have been very naughty."

Luke would have yelled at him but he was pretty sure his nose had frozen completely, so yelling was not his number one priority. He ignored Jess and herded Lorelai up the stairs to his apartment. 

"Go jump in the shower," he told her, stopping in front of the bathroom. "Warm yourself up."

He pulled out some clothes from a dresser and turned back to her. She was still standing where he'd left her, looking like she was in a state of shock. "You okay?"

She nodded her head slowly, shivering. He sighed and pushed her into the bathroom, turning on the shower and waiting for the hot water, trying to ignore the chills he was feeling.

"Get in," he told her, when the steam started to rise.

Lorelai broke out of her trance. "You get in too."

Luke looked perplexed. Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Leave your clothes on, but you're freezing and you'll be dead by the time I get out of here, because I plan on staying in the hot water forever. So just get in and warm yourself up."

Lorelai stepped into the shower and let the hot water flow over her. She moaned in delight as her body slowly warmed up. Luke's will was broken then, and he climbed in with her. She moved out of the way so that he could get most of the spray.

She took her coat off, throwing it on the bathroom floor with a wet flop. Luke turned his back to her; her pajama top was white and he could see things he shouldn't be seeing. He followed suit, taking off his flannel shirt so he could get more hot water onto his freezing skin. 

Lorelai watched the play of his muscles under his wet t-shirt, until he warmed up and stopped shivering.

"Luke?" she asked, wondering why he wouldn't look at her.

"What?" he said, a little gruffly.

"Are you mad at me?"

"Oh, you mean from when you tried to kill me by giving me hypothermia?"

"No, for replacing all your flannel shirts with pink tutus."

"I don't know. Maybe an explanation would help."

"Maybe you could turn around. That would help me a lot. I mean, I could keep talking to Mr. Left Shoulder-blade, but I think Righty's getting a little jealous."

Luke didn't turn around. "I think it's best for me to stay like this."

 "Why?" Was he so mad he couldn't even look at her?

"Because your…um. Your shirt is uh, white," he managed to get out.

Lorelai looked down. Without a bra, her wet top might have won her an honorable mention in a wet t-shirt contest. "Oh."

"Yeah." That was about as much as Luke could take; he'd wait for an explanation when they were dry and properly clothed. He slid the shower door open. Lorelai reached out to stop him, wrapping her fingers around his wrist.

"Look," she started, and it took all his will power to not look down past her neck. "I'm sorry about that whole pushing you in the lake thing; I panicked. You know when you get a crazy idea, and it seems good at the time, and you're so wrapped up in how good you think it is that you don't realize it's crazy? Like the Spice Girls, or those tequila lollipops with the worm inside?"

Luke figured the best thing he could do at this point was nod. She continued with her explanation. "Well, that happened to me yesterday. So just trust me when I tell you that what was in that envelope was crazy. Insane, even."

"What was in it, Lorelai?"

"If I'd wanted you to know, I would have let you read it." She saw the look on his face from her snarky comment, and in a more civil tone added, "It doesn't matter now. It's gone." 

His heart was beating fast; she could feel his pulse under her fingers. "You can tell me," he said.

She shook her head, not looking at him because it was too difficult to face him. "You'll hate me all over again."

"I never hated you," he admitted, shocked that she had thought so.

"Never?"

"Okay, maybe for those two years where you called me 'Duke.' But not since I got to know you. I may have been mad at you, yeah, but I didn't hate you."

Her fingers tightened around his wrist, and it felt like all he could think about was the tiny brush of her skin against his. He wasn't cold any longer; the bathroom had steamed up, and the water practically scalded his skin.

"How come you never asked _me out?" Lorelai blurted. She hadn't intended to say that; she blamed the steam and the cold. _

"What?" Luke managed to respond, completely forgetting about the wet t-shirt. Or almost completely.

"Never mind," Lorelai muttered, and this time it was her who tried to leave the shower. Damn Luke for having one of those tiny little shower stalls, and not a bathtub/shower combo like normal people. It was like being in a hot, wet closet.

Luke wouldn't let her leave. "There's obviously something going on with you. So just get it out, because I don't want to repeat this lake thing again."

Lorelai tried to downplay it. "It's nothing big, Patty just mentioned last night how she thought it was funny that after all these years, you never asked me out, being the cute young single girl of the town that I am, and then Jay comes here and you two are dating within months. So I was just thinking that maybe there's something wrong and off-putting about me." 

That was a total lie, but he would never know it.

Luke looked completely blank for a good ten seconds, then his eyebrows furrowed. "There are a lot of things wrong with you, such as your psychotic addiction to coffee and habitual watching of crappy reality T.V. shows, but it's not off-putting."

Lorelai nodded, and tried to hide the real emotions she was feeling. "Oh, okay, good. Glad to know I'm not repulsive."

Luke studied her intently. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye; instead she watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed nervously. "Did you uh, want me to ask you out?" he quietly asked.

The part of his collarbone that showed was fascinating, and her fingers roamed over the exposed skin without any conscious decision on her part to do so. "I never really thought about it," she admitted, and that part was true; it had only been recently that the notion had made itself known to her. She dipped her fingers into the little divot between his clavicles. "But I know that I would have said yes."

She snuck a glance at his face after this admission, afraid to see his expression but still needing to know. The intensity of it made her stomach drop. He was looking at her the way she looked at a big piece of espresso-flavored cheesecake; ravenous, craving, like she was everything he ever desired and he wanted to consume her entirely.

She was still playing with his chest, her fingers lightly skimming along the collar of his wet shirt, feeling both his wet skin and the rougher wet fabric. It was only when Luke caught her hand that she even realized she'd been touching him.

Luke was not a dangerous man. She trusted him; she knew both instinctively and consciously that he would never hurt her. But the way he looked at her just now, the way he removed her hand from his chest and pinned her arm over her head against the shower wall, the way he closed the space between them until her wet and translucent shirt was brushing his own, gave her a feeling of trepidation. She could feel a rapid heartbeat, and knew it was hers because the same beat was pounding in her brain and ringing in her ears.

She was in a shower with Luke, and he had her pinned to the wall, and her breasts were flattened against his chest, and he was going to kiss her. And she wanted him to.

"I would have said yes," she repeated, this time with her eyes firmly on his, closing only as his face came closer. 

His lips brushed hers, wet from the shower and gentler than she would have expected. Being weak in the knees was such a swoony, girly thing, but Lorelai was experiencing that very sensation. She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back without the restraint with which he'd kissed her. It was desperate and needy, and far better than she had imagined. Every part of her body, down to the smallest cell, felt alive. Complete. Satisfied.

The way he kissed her, his lips not sloppy and haphazard but determined, made her shiver, even though the shower was almost scalding. When his tongue slipped into her mouth, she whimpered, her arms wrapping even more tightly around his neck. Not wanting to let go because she was afraid; afraid that she would fall, her legs having turned to pudding. But mostly afraid that they would come to their senses. While this was right on so many levels, it was wrong on only one. 

Lorelai tried her hardest to ignore that; Luke's thumb gliding from her jaw to her chest helped. But even one of the most amazing make-out sessions of her life couldn't keep her from acknowledging that one level of wrongness was enough.

"Luke," she pleaded in the brief moment that his lips were not in full contact with hers.

"Lorelai," he whispered back, clearly not grasping her intention.

"Luke, no," she managed to say again, but only after more kissing. Finally, she bit his lip, hard.

It was as if the bite had brought him back to a fully conscious state of mind. He realized the full implications of what they'd done for the first time. "God, Lorelai, I'm sorry."

"Me too," she said, pushing herself away from him and opening the shower door. "It's my fault, completely. I know you and Jay aren't married, so this doesn't make me a homewrecker, but I still feel bad. I'm like an apartment-wrecker or something," she rambled, her emotions and hormones making it hard for her to form her frayed thoughts into coherent sentences.

Luke looked for words, but she stepped out of the shower quickly and closed the door behind her. So much easier when she didn't have to look at him. "I'm going to change and go home now. I'm real sorry about pushing you into the lake. I'm real sorry about everything."

She grabbed the towel, the extra clothes, and left the bathroom, not looking behind her. Minutes later, she was driving home as fast as she could, trying to think about what she had to do at work today and not about the kissing with Luke, and not about how she was wearing his girlfriend's clothes.

-end ch 14-

Finally!


	15. Invasion of the Coffee Snatchers

Picks up right after the smooches that came after the lake dunkings. 

mmm…dunkings.

Dunking…..dunkin'….DONUTS

Hee…there's my foray into stream of consciousness writing!

*                                              *                                              *

Ch. 15: Invasion of the Coffee Snatchers

*                                              *                                              *

"God is punishing me," Lorelai sniveled, wiping her nose for the fiftieth time. She tossed the tissue into the pile that had accumulated next to her bed.

Rory put the cup of coffee on Lorelai's nightstand. "Coffee cures all," she said, then looked at the mound of tissues. "I'll get rid of Mt. Saint Kleenex for you."

"You can be even more useful if you get take this cold from me."

"No way. I have three more days of winter vacation and I'm not wasting them by being sick." Rory scooped the tissues into a bag. "I'll call the HazMat team to dispose of these."

"Ask them to stop by the diner on the way over here and bring me some food."

"And while I'm at it, get the dirt on Luke, right?" Lorelai had told Rory about her Luke-encounter.

Lorelai shrugged. "I just want to know if he's mad or angry or…" she trailed off.

"Single," Rory suggested.

Lorelai groaned and pulled the covers up to her chin. "I'm a horrible person."

Rory patted her mother on the head. "I'll refrain from passing judgment. Now, what do you want?"

"A margarita and chili-fries."

"Yuck."

"I know, but that's what I feel like having."

"I'll get you soup."

"Fine," Lorelai dejectedly said. She began coughing, and Rory knew that the fit could last a while.

"I'll just be going now." 

Lorelai coughed in response.

After picking up some more medicine and Kleenex at the market, Rory went to Luke's.

"Got any soup today?" she asked him. 

He looked up and saw Rory, noting that Lorelai wasn't with her. "Yeah, chicken noodle."

"Can I get a bunch of it to go?"

Luke put down the order pad he was holding and told Rory to follow him. He stopped at the foot of the stairs, where they were hidden from the nosy patrons. "Did your mom tell you anything?" he vaguely asked.

"She did tell me to always use a condom and when possible, hold out for dinner first," Rory joked, not sure if Luke was supposed to know that she knew.

Luke looked disappointed, and Rory realized that he knew that she knew. "She's avoiding me, isn't she?"

Rory decided to just be honest. "Yes, but not purposely. She has a cold."

"Oh." He wanted to say more, but it wasn't Rory he wanted to say it to. So he settled for, "I'll go get you the soup."

"Thanks," Rory said, but he'd already walked away.

*                                  *                                  *

The next day, there was a timid knock on Lorelai's bedroom door. Since when did Rory knock?

"Come in," she called out, and her question was answered when Jay, not Rory, entered. "Um, hi," Lorelai greeted.

"Hey. Rory let me in. How're you feeling?"

Guilty, Lorelai answered in her mind, but out loud she said, "Mostly better."

Jay put a plastic container on Lorelai's nightstand. "I brought you some soup; actually, Sookie made it, so any 'oohs' and 'yums' are to her credit."

Lorelai wanted to ask Jay why she was delivering it instead of Sookie, but was afraid Jay would answer her by smothering her with a pillow. So instead she said, "Thanks."

"She wanted to bring it to you herself but she screwed up the first batch, something about the pepper grinder falling into the pot, so she was already late to work as it was. She dropped it off at the diner, but she said to tell you that she'll bring you more when she gets off."

Lorelai could have sworn Jay was babbling. Why was she babbling? Lorelai was getting more paranoid by the second; she was trying to find something to say when Jay spoke up again.

"Can I ask you a favor?"  
  


"Sure," Lorelai said, hoping her favor wouldn't be 'stop making out with my boyfriend.'

"Since I decided to take the permanent position they offered me, I'd like to start looking for a house. Luke's busy on weekends with the diner, so I didn't want to ask him to take off work, and you're always so honest in your opinions I thought you'd be good to go house hunting with."

Lorelai's continuing paranoia latched on to the word 'honest' and she immediately assumed that Jay knew all about her indiscretion with Luke. What other explanation could there be when she picked a word like 'honest' out of all the words in the English language? It could have been coincidence, though Lorelai wouldn't have bet the farm on that. Not that she had a farm to bet, anyhow. But as she looked at the other woman's face, all she could see was a hopeful expression. 

"Sure," Lorelai agreed. Jay grinned. It was after all, the least Lorelai could do after snogging with her boyfriend, right? Also, Jay looking for her own house meant she wasn't considering moving in with Luke any time soon, and that was definitely of the good. "Is tomorrow okay with you?"

"But you're sick."

"I should be better by tomorrow. Plus, I'm really bored. I even made sock puppets to pass the time, but then I was afraid I might get committed to the madhouse, so I stopped playing with them."

"Are you serious?"

"Look on the other nightstand."

Jay looked, and saw two socks lying there. She picked them up. 

"That one's Frenchie," Lorelai informed her of the white sock with the little felt beret and a little felt mustache. "You put him on your hand and stick a candy cigarette in his mouth."

Jay grinned. "And this one?" she asked about the green sock.

"That's Maglar, the alien. His planet's reserves of coffee had run out, so he comes to Earth and tries to steal tons of French Roast beans."

"So Frenchie's trying to stop him?"

"You catch on quick."

"Maybe we'll end up sharing a room at the madhouse."

Lorelai smiled, trying not to think of the other thing they had shared.

*                                              *                                              *

"_That was the most disgusting house I've ever seen," Jay fiercely whispered as they walked away from the offensive structure._

"I thought I was going blind when I walked into that kitchen. It's like a time capsule from 1972," Lorelai agreed.

"Orange countertops? They must have been on drugs."

"The house is probably on the market because the owners killed themselves. Mustard shag carpet is so depressing."

They got into Lorelai's jeep. As Lorelai started it, she asked, "Wanna get ice cream before we see the rest?" She felt much better today, physically at least, but a healthy dose of Rocky Road would boost her immune system.

"Sounds good to me." 

In minutes they were at the ice cream shop. When they walked in, Lorelai saw Kirk behind the counter.

"Since when do you work here?" she asked him.

"Does it matter?" he asked back.

"No, but I'm curious like the monkey."

"Curiosity killed the monkey," Kirk morosely told her.

"No, it killed the cat. It made the monkey rich, famous, and with a successful franchise of books and merchandise," Lorelai corrected him.

Kirk glared at her. "Fine. But I'm the one holding the ice cream scooper, which means I wield the power in here. And you shouldn't argue with He Who Wields the Power. Unless you don't want your double scoop of Rocky Road."

"You can't threaten me!"

He waved the scooper in the air. "Can't I?"

Jay stepped up to the counter. "Kirk, you'll let Lorelai get her ice cream, right?" She gave him a big smile. Kirk smiled back before scooping Lorelai's ice cream and handing her the cone.

As they walked out, Lorelai with her ice cream, and Jay with her far more disgusting Toffutti, Lorelai remarked, "Wow, that's the first time I've seen him smile since…actually I don't think I've ever seen him smile."

Jay looked a little puzzled. "He smiles all the time." 

"Maybe you only see Bizarro Kirk, and we see Real Kirk."

Jay shrugged. "He's like a nut."

Lorelai snorted. "He _is a nut!"_

"No. Well, yeah, but that's not what I meant. He's got a hard, impenetrable exterior but once you figure out how to crack it, the inside's much more enjoyable."

Lorelai kind of lost her appetite for the ice cream. "No more talk of Kirk's nuts."

*                                              *                                              *

Fortunately for Jay, she found a place that she absolutely loved. Unfortunately for Lorelai, it was only a block away from her house. Also unfortunately for Lorelai, Jay wanted to celebrate by eating at Luke's.

Lorelai tried to think of a valid excuse not to go to Luke's, but she was, after all, Lorelai Gilmore, and there was no valid excuse for passing up one of Luke's hamburgers and a cup of coffee. So she told herself to be strong, suck it up, and go in.

"Uh, Lorelai?"

"Yeah, Jay?"

"I think the people at this table here are getting a little pissed that I've been holding the door open for thirty seconds."

"We are," the woman at the table said.

The man with her decided to throw in his two cents. "I think I've got frostbite."

Lorelai shot him a dirty look because he was an exaggerating scumbag but stepped into the diner anyhow. "Sorry," she told Jay, "I uh, blanked out there for a moment."

"No biggie. Sometimes I do that too. Were you thinking about Alexei Nemov doing his ring routine? That always makes me space out. Those arms, wow."

Jay headed for the counter as she spoke, but Lorelai made a quick grab at an empty table. "Hey, let's sit here instead of up there. It's quieter," she lied. There was no way she'd sit at the counter and be two feet from Luke every second.

Jay shrugged, and they sat down, Lorelai keenly keeping an eye out for Luke. She told herself his initial reaction to seeing her would be important. From there she could gauge how he was feeling.

Her nose itched, and she quickly grabbed a napkin off the table just in time to catch her sneeze. Damn cold. She wiped her nose and lowered the napkin. Luke was there, standing at their table. 

"Son of a bitch," Lorelai mumbled; she'd missed his initial reaction.

"Now there's the friendliest greeting I've ever gotten," Luke sarcastically said.

Lorelai cringed. He sounded mad. Well, he actually sounded sarcastic, but that was only a step away from mad, right?

"No, not you. The old guy with the frostbite," Lorelai covered.

"Who?"

Jay shook her head. "Long story." 

Lorelai took the momentary distraction as Luke looked at Jay to look at Luke. 

Jay must have ordered, because she excused herself and went to the restroom. Luke turned back to Lorelai and said something.

"What?" she asked.

"I said, 'what do you want?'"

"Now there's a question with more than one implication." Ha, frivolity, therein lay the key to getting through this situation. 

"What do you want to eat?" Luke clarified.

Lorelai couldn't even think about food at this point. Was it just her imagination, or did Luke say that with some snippyness in his voice. Was snippyness a word? Maybe Luke was just snippity. Or was snippity not a word either?

She was busy thinking, so she said, "I'll have what she's having," because that's what she said most of the time when she ate at Luke's with Rory.

Luke tapped his pencil against the pad. Why did he even need to write down the orders? They were super easy to remember. Damn it, she was drifting again. Focus on Luke. He didn't look angry, really. He looked a little confused. A little pained, a little exasperated, and a little nervous. Basically, he looked constipated.

"You want what Jay wants," Luke tried to confirm, and Lorelai wondered if he'd intended the double meaning.

"Uh," Lorelai tried to stall for thinking time. "Maybe?" was all she could come up with.

Luke tapped his pencil again. "Veggie burger with celery sticks? And a decaf coffee? Don't worry about the side of skepticism though, that's on the house."

Lorelai winced. "Okay, then no, I don't want what she wants," Lorelai quickly said. "To eat," she then added. 

"The usual suspects then?"

She nodded. "Yup. Kaiser-bun Soze me, big guy." Jeez, even her cleverness was ditching her. 

Luke left with their order, and Lorelai breathed a quiet sigh of relief. That went….well, it went. 

-end ch. 15-

A/N: I apologize for my tardiness in posting- half of it's my fault, as I thought I'd sent it to my beta reader but I didn't. Actually, 3/4ths is my fault cause it also took me forever to write. The other ¼ is her fault though, because once I really did send it to her, she was busy and couldn't read it right away. And I'm glad I waited for it, because she always catches the weird crap I don't even realize I write. As she says, I have Phrase Dyslexia. So a very big thank you to Rebecca.

And an even bigger thank you to everyone who's enjoyed this story and reviewed and sent me emails. (I forgot that my email addy listed is my secondary one, and I hadn't checked it in like two months, so I apologize if you've sent me an email and I never replied. I'm getting around to it, I promise). You guys really do make writing all this worth it!

And on a final note- I only have one more chapter to write, I think. I've already finished the last 2 chapters so there should be 3 more coming, and SOON, I promise!!


	16. Super Bowl Sunday Bloody Sunday

Where we last left off, Batman (Lorelai) still hadn't talked to Robin (Luke) about the kiss they shared in the Bat Cave (the Shower). 

*                                  *                                  *

Ch. 16: Super Bowl Sunday Bloody Sunday

*                                  *                                  *

"I don't even like football," Lorelai whined as she threw a bag of chips in her basket.

"It's a house warming party. The football is secondary." Rory tossed in the salsa. "And we don't actually have to watch it, you know."

They continued down the snack aisle, picking up a few more things along the way. "But if we're not actually watching the game, what are we going to do? Talk to Jay? Talk to Luke? Oh boy, why don't I just shave my tongue with a razor blade because that'll be just as much fun."

Rory shook her head. "I still can't believe you haven't talked to him."

Lorelai tossed a bag of marshmallows in the general direction of her daughter's head. "I've talked to him."

Rory caught the marshmallows and put them in the basket. "You've exchanged words. But you haven't talked about the thing since the thing happened, and that was three weeks ago."

Lorelai procrastinated on answering by intensely scrutinizing the many flavors of ice cream. When she finally settled on a flavor, Rory was still giving her a stern look. "Stop it, you look like my mother."

"I'm just saying that once upon a time, someone gave me some sage advice about kissing another guy, and while it's not the same exact situation, I think the bottom line still applies. You need to make up your mind. And you need to talk to him, no matter what you decide."

Lorelai stalked to the checkout counter and dropped her basket on the conveyor belt. "Fine. I'll do it tonight."

"I'm gonna hold you to that."

Rory was still giving her the stern look. Lorelai got a sinking feeling in her stomach as she knew tonight would indeed be the night.

*                      *                      *

Lorelai didn't know much about football, but she did know that there were only four quarters, and that three had already gone by. Which meant she only had one quarter left to stop holing up in the corner of Jay's living room and talk to Luke. Or else the disapproving looks Rory had been shooting her all night would only get worse. 

One of the teams did something good, because all the men in the small crowd, plus Jay and Sookie, stood up and cheered. Kirk, after noticing everyone else was doing this, mimicked them.

"I sure love football," he explained to Lorelai when he sat back down.

"Yeah. It's great," she answered, her eyes darting over to the other couch, where Luke was sitting. Jay was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of him. At least she wasn't in his lap.

How could she talk to him when there were twelve other people in the room and Jay was between his legs, so to speak. Lorelai spared another glance over at Rory.

Rory caught her glance, and in return furrowed her brow, silently telling her, 'Go talk to him.'

Lorelai widened her eyes in a silent response. 'How?' She made a slight nod in Jay's direction. 'His girlfriend is right there.'

Rory pursed her lips and folded her arms. 'Nice try.'

Lorelai pouted. 'What else?'

Rory gave her a really smug smile. 'How's this?'

Rory turned her head in Luke's direction. "Hey, Luke, my soda's getting a little warm. Can you get me a cup of ice?"

"Yeah, sure." Luke reached over the side of the couch to the cooler and flipped it open. He looked back up at Rory. "Uh, never mind. We're out."

Rory gave him a slight pout. "That's okay. I'll just drink it warm."

Luke stood up. "I'll get you some more."

Rory smiled. "Thanks." As Luke headed to the kitchen, she gave Lorelai another look, one that said, 'Now you have no excuse.'

Lorelai stuck her tongue out at her daughter, because everyone else was busy watching the game and wouldn't notice. But Rory was right, so she stood up. "Hey, Kirk, I'm going to get something to drink. You want anything?"

"Pina colada, and make sure it has one of those little umbrellas. Please."

"Got it. One beer." 

Lorelai picked up her glass and went into the kitchen. Lucky for her, Jay's new house had the kind of kitchen that was closed off from the living room, and as she pushed open the kitchen door, she saw Luke digging through the freezer.

"Hey. I think you're officially the Town Iceman now."

Luke closed the freezer. "Did you come just to make little jokes, 'cause if so, I'm gonna bring Rory her ice before it melts."

Lorelai tried to steady herself. "No. I need to talk to you."

Luke put the ice bowl down. "Okay."

The tone in his voice was confusing her. It wasn't harsh, it wasn't friendly. It was just neutral. And Luke was never neutral. 

Her mouth, like it tended to do, began talking before her brain could think of the best thing to say. "I've been trying to think of what to say to you, and you'd think that after more than three weeks, I could come up with something good, but here I am, and here you are, and all I can think of is…"

"Is what?" Luke asked, after a few seconds had passed.

"That's it. I can't think of anything." She shifted her weight around on her feet, picked at the hem of her shirt, then looked up at Luke. "What about you?"

"What about me."

"You want to say anything? Maybe if you go first, I can think of something."

"I don't know. I'm actually speechless over the fact that you're speechless."

Lorelai made herself smile. "Guess it's not a good time to tell you I quit coffee and only eat rice cakes. Might blow your mind."

"You already did that," Luke muttered, more to himself. But Lorelai heard it, and it made her stomach do a little flip. 

"I just…it's just that…," Lorelai was having trouble getting started. She took her eyes off the bowl of ice and looked directly at him. At Luke, her friend for what seemed like ever, the guy who never learned to properly shave, the guy who kept her fed and in coffee, and she suddenly saw him. She saw herself with him, years from now, and it wasn't an idyllic painting of picket fences and babies in strollers, but a simple, generic picture. The two of them, curled up in bed while snow fell outside the window, watching a bad movie, groaning at it and throwing popcorn at the T.V. Luke was for the long haul.

Lorelai steeled herself. "You're my Mack truck."

Luke did that thing he did when he was utterly confused; lifting up his cap, running his hand through his hair, putting the cap back on, and frowning. "I know that sometimes, hell, most of the time, you say things just to hear yourself talk, but I've really got no clue on that one."

"Every other guy I've dated has just been like, a cab." 

Luke shot her another confused look. 

"A taxi cab," she clarified. "You know, you get in, you ride around a little, but you know that at some point, you gotta get out. A cab is short term. Temporary. But you, you're not a cab."

"Uh, thanks?"

Damn Luke. Did she have to explain every aspect of the metaphor to him? "You're my Mack truck. You're the tractor trailer, who'll be there for the long haul, five hundred thousand miles and still going strong." She took a step closer to him. "Do you understand?"

Luke's hand was on her waist. It was the first time he'd touched her since the shower, nearly a month earlier. It was scary how much just a small, chaste touch from him made her crazy.

"Lorelai," Luke said, and she really wished that for once this evening, she could figure out what the hell he was thinking. "Your timing is terrible," he finally said, and took his hand off her.

Again, he headed for the door. Again, Lorelai stopped him. "That's it?"

"That's it," he confirmed.

"No, I'm sorry, but that can't be it."

Finally, Luke was breaking out of his neutral mode. Unfortunately, it looked like he was getting angry. Ranty. Normally, Ranty Luke amused Lorelai, but not when the rant was directed at her.

"Accept it, Lorelai. You had plenty of time, you took too long, and so, that's it."

Lorelai gathered up all the courage she had, and while she normally had tons of the stuff, she must have left most of it in her other purse. "But, I thought that you and I…that we. I mean, it's been building up forever."

Luke was now in full rant mode. "You thought that suddenly, because _you want it, then it was going to happen? The whole damn world revolves around you, right? Lorelai wants something, so she gets it. It doesn't matter how many people she walks over to get her way."_

"That's not true or fair. I didn't know how you felt. I didn't even know how I felt."

"Until it was too late." 

Luke took a few steps to the door.

"But it's not too late," Lorelai protested. 

Luke didn't answer, he just opened the door and walked out. Lorelai collected herself, picked up her drink, and followed him, trying to look like her heart hadn't been broken. 

She took her place next to Kirk, and attempted to distract herself with the guys in tight pants on T.V.

Kirk looked at her. "Where's my drink?"

Lorelai stuffed her own drink in his hand. Kirk shrugged and accepted it. Lorelai turned her gaze from the T.V. to Rory, who'd been intently looking at her since her return. Rory had a questioning look on her face; Lorelai returned a look that said she'd tell her all about it later.

Neither Gilmore noticed the look on Jay's face.

*end ch. 16*

Stay tuned! Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel!

P.S. For all who keep requesting faster updates, I appreciate the eagerness but I feel it's only fair to tell you that it's not going to help. Writing fanfic is fairly low on my priorities at the moment. But good news for you is that I'm almost done with the next chapter, so it won't be too much of a wait. And it won't be as much of a downer.

P.P.S. That "mack truck" metaphor, while I'd like to say it hit me in a beautiful moment of creativity, was actually inspired while watching MST3K, episode "Diabolik," when the slutty girl distracts a truck driver so her thief/spy/boyfriend, Diabolik himself, steals the truck. And he sneaks around in his little black skin tight spy suit like a ballet dancer on crack. So now you know my dirty little secret!


	17. Confessions of a Cereal Killer

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Ch. 17: Confessions of a Cereal Killer

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Lorelai Gilmore had not gotten what she wanted.

This wasn't something new. But it wasn't something she was used to either. Especially when it came to the subject of Luke.  If she really thought about it, it might even be a first.

And as far as firsts went, it sucked. 

Her first impulse was to avoid the diner completely. But then her nervous system reacted badly to that, and she knew that after already spending a summer avoiding the diner, her nervous system would not take kindly to another dry spell. She had images of tiny nerve cells tying her down like Gulliver and demanding Luke's coffee, torturing her until her whole body short circuited.

Her second impulse was to go to the diner and pretend like nothing happened. Only that was what she'd tried to do after kissing Luke, and that hadn't worked out well either. 

Her third impulse, and by now, it couldn't even be a called an impulse so much as a last resort, was to accept her fate.  This was the decision she went with. She could accept it, but she didn't have to like it. 

So as she set her empty coffee mug down on the table, it's loud clink like some kind of cheesy authoritative gavel making her decision final, she tried to just be happy for Luke. After all, his social life had a history of being fairly non-existent, and the bottom line was that he was her friend. If nothing else.

Still, the last week had been rotten. More rotten than the apple she found in the back of her fridge the other day.  More rotten than a body pulled out of the East River after it's been there for a month. More rotten than the foul, black lump that George Lucas called a heart.

Lorelai's self-pitying wallow was interrupted by the inherent cause of her self-pitying wallow.

Jay slid into the empty seat at the table. "Hey, Lorelai."

Lorelai faked a smile, but noticed the nervousness on Jay's face was definitely real. "What's up?"

"I need to talk to you," Jay said, and from her voice Lorelai could tell it was important. 

Great, Luke had probably proposed or Jay was carrying his love child. Lorelai nodded a little nervously. "Okay."

"Let's go somewhere a little more private. It's like a cornfield in here." Jay looked around the diner, where Patty and Babette happened to be sitting a few tables away.

Lorelai got up and followed Jay out the door, trying to ignore her own nervousness. Maybe some humor would ease it. "Are you planning to make a move on me?"

"Actually, I was hoping to ask you for Rory's hand in marriage," Jay joked back. "Don't worry," she assured Lorelai, "it's nothing bad."

The square was nearly empty. "Promise?" Lorelai hoped her secret Luke kissing was still a secret and Jay wasn't out for revenge, Brooklyn-style. Which was pretty much a baseball bat.

Lorelai immediately and, hopefully, surreptitiously looked for a bulge in Jay's coat. The woman was, after all, the softball coach. Which meant easy access to blunt instruments for whacking no good, boyfriend kissing tarts.

"Cross my heart." 

Lorelai breathed a sigh of relief when Jay didn't pull out a bat.

They sat in the gazebo. Jay played with the ends of her hair and Lorelai waited quite impatiently for her to say what she wanted to say.

Finally, she dropped her hair and looked up. "I'm going to break up with Luke."

Lorelai tried not to let her excitement show. "What? Why? And why are you telling me? Shouldn't you, you know, tell him first?"

"If this were a normal break-up, maybe. But it's not."

"Is it one of those intricate, planned things like a T.V. marriage proposal? Only in reverse, of course, since it's a break up." 

"No. He's a great guy," she started.

"The best," Lorelai couldn't help but add. Which was the truth; what other guy would have done what he'd done. Even if it hadn't been to her advantage, Lorelai still gave him credit for that.

Jay smiled a little sadly. "He is. And there haven't been any major problems between us."

Lorelai realized that Jay definitely did not know about the kissing. She let out the breath she'd been holding, but curiosity found its way in. "Then I must again ask, 'why?'"

"Well, we do have so much in common, it's almost creepy. It's like I'm dating myself, only with a penis."

Lorelai knew that mental image would be with her for a while. "But there's more?"

Jay nodded. "Oh, a whole bunch more." There was a pause, then in a rushed voice she confessed, "I've kind of developed feelings for someone else."

Lorelai's eyebrows shot up. "Really?" She hadn't heard any gossip at all; Jay must be super discreet to keep a secret that big in a town like Stars Hollow.

Jay gave her a sheepish smile. "It took me a while to realize it, and once I did I felt so horrible. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I felt like maybe this was how things should be."

"Why?" Lorelai was thoroughly confused. "And more importantly, who?"

Jay looked even more sheepish. "I'm not gonna tell you right now. You'll just laugh."

Lorelai smirked. "Why, is it Taylor?" She joked. "Oh wait, better yet, is it Kirk?" 

The smile that had flittered onto Jay's face at the mention of Taylor completely disappeared at the mention of Kirk. Lorelai had one of those moments of sparkling clarity. "Oh my god," she whispered, "it _is Kirk!"_

"Please don't tell anyone right now," Jay pleaded. "I haven't told Luke or Kirk yet and I don't want them to find out prematurely."

Lorelai was still dumbstruck by the fact that Kirk was the object of Jay's affection. Of all the people in the world, it was _Kirk! It was insane on so many levels. She tried to find words. "Yeah, um, okay. Your secret is safe," she finally said._

Jay looked relieved. "Thanks." She sighed. "Wow, it feels so good to get that out."

Lorelai barely heard her. She was still dwelling on the Kirk factoid. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. "Kirk? Really?"

"I know. I guess he grew on me."

Lorelai tamped down the urge to add, 'like a fungus.' Instead, she shook her head. "Kirk over Luke. I never would have seen that coming."

"Of course _you wouldn't."_

Jay had said it almost teasingly. "What do you mean by that?" Lorelai asked.

Jay shrugged. "Just that when it comes to Luke, you've got blinders on. You're like one of those horses with uh, blinders on." She grimaced. "I didn't mean to call you a horse. I'm gonna shut up now."

"I see Luke perfectly fine," Lorelai lamely denied.

Jay fixed her with a knowing look. "I heard about Rachel. Do you know why she left him?"

Lorelai gave a slight shrug. "He didn't tell me. But it wasn't like she hadn't left him before."

Jay shook her head. "It was different that time. Luke knows why, and he didn't tell me, but I figured it out. I'm just surprised you haven't." She looked at Lorelai with an earnest expression. "Do you know why he ran into me the first time I met him?"

"Because he got in your way?"

"Well, yeah, but he got in my way because he didn't see me. And he didn't see me because he was staring at you." There was a wary look on Lorelai's face; Jay made her next revelation crystal clear. "Luke may love me, but not nearly as much as he loves you."

Lorelai choked. After she stopped coughing, she tried to find something to say to that. "I wouldn't be so certain, I mean, he didn't come out and say that.  Did he?" Luke had outright rejected her barely a week earlier. Lorelai was still feeling the sting. 

"Well, no, not exactly."

"So this is all hypothetical.  Like black holes."

"Actually, they've found proof of black holes."

"Oh." Lorelai contemplated her next move. She could reveal her secret, and risk hurting Jay, who didn't deserve it. Or, she could go with a half truth. "Jay, I'm gonna tell you something.  And, I don't know, maybe you will pull out that baseball bat and clobber me with it, but I'm gonna do it anyway."

Jay looked confused. "What baseball bat?"

Lorelai waved her off. "Never mind. That's not the important thing. This is: I think you're wrong about Luke.  Actually, I know you're wrong because, last week, he told me I was too late."

"Too late for what? Was the diner closing?"

Damn blonde, Lorelai thought. "No, too late for me. I told him that I finally realized that he was more than a friend, and he told me that I was too late. That he was with you now, and that I would have to accept it and get over it.  Because he already got over me." Lorelai took a deep breath, trying to clear her lungs and her conscience and her depression in one fell swoop. "Right out of the horse's mouth, I guess you could say."

Jay just shook her head.  "Lorelai, I swear he's not over you. Rachel saw it, and I see it."

"Rachel left him because of me?" No wonder Luke had never told her.

"And I'm not stupid, I can see the way he looks at you. I must have asked him fifteen times before we started dating if there was anything going on between you two, and I didn't really believe him, but you didn't seem to think of him as more than a friend. So I thought that maybe there really wasn't anything going on. But once my eyes started wandering-"

"To Kirk." Lorelai had to say it again. Maybe if she said it a few more times she might start believing it. 

"Yeah. Once they started wandering, I started noticing other things. Like how you've been looking at him the way he looks at you.  And I started to realize maybe everything was right, but just in the wrong places. "

Lorelai's surprise was fading into relief. Strangely enough, it seemed like everything could work out for the better. "No matter what, Luke is my friend, and I don't like to see him hurt. So if you do tell him you're breaking up with him, try to leave out the part that you're dumping him for Kirk. He might never recover from that."

Jay took that to mean Lorelai was giving the break-up her blessing. She stood up. "I promise I'll go gentle on him. But you might want to stop by the diner tomorrow night after closing."

"What about Kirk?"

Jay started playing with her hair again. "I don't know; what if he doesn't like me?"

Lorelai fought back the laugh she was feeling. Kirk was so desperate he'd probably date Miss Patty if she let him. "Trust me, I think you would make his lifetime if you told him how you feel."

There was a spark in Jay's eye. "Really?" she asked, and Lorelai again was amazed at how smitten Jay seemed to be with Kirk. *Kirk*. She still couldn't believe that. She couldn't wait to get home and tell Rory.

"I guarantee it."

Jay impulsively hugged Lorelai. "So you'll be there for Luke? And you won't tell Kirk?"

"Yes on both accounts."

She watched Jay as she left the gazebo, then turned her gaze over to Luke's diner. She yelped when Jay jumped back up the stairs. 

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I was going for that whole dramatic thing. Y'know, where I rush back and say, 'Don't let him get away' or 'Don't waste this chance.' Maybe hum a few bars of Wham's 'Guilty Feet'."

Lorelai smiled. "I don't think we need any extra drama. And I hate that song."

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"Rory! Rory, Rory, RORY!" Lorelai screeched as she burst through the door and ran around the house looking for her daughter.

"What? Did something happen? Is it bad?" Rory asked, coming out of her room with a concerned look on her face.

"Oh my god, you are so not gonna believe it, hell I don't believe it myself, but you have to remember that I would never ever lie to you!" Lorelai said, her words so rushed Rory barely made them out.

Rory rolled her eyes. "Okay, so it sounds like its something good by the excited tone in your voice. Did you run into Bono?"  
  


Lorelai gasped. "That would have been SO cool!" 

"Okay, so nix on the Bono. Oh! I know, it was George Stephanopolous!"

Lorelai grimaced. "Hey, you're the one who had a crush on him not me."

"Fine! Just tell me!"

Lorelai grinned like a maniac and grabbed Rory's hands, jumping up and down. "Fonzie asked me to the prom!" she giggled in a high-pitched voice.

Rory groaned. "You are impossible! TELL ME!"

Lorelai stopped jumping, but her smile didn't fade. "Guess who pulls me aside to tell me that they're breaking up with Luke because they have feelings for someone else?"

"No!" Rory said, her eyes wide.

"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!"

Rory blinked. "Jay's really breaking up with him?"

Lorelai looked at her watch. "Not for another day or so, but yes."

"Wow." Rory shook her head. "Who's she got feelings for?"

"Sit down."

"Can't we skip the dramatics and get to the part where you tell me?"

"Fine but when you bruise your tailbone I'll say I told you so."

"Full gloating privileges are yours if you just tell me!"

Lorelai wiped the smile off her face and put her hands on Rory's shoulders. Serious confession time. "Jay's got the hots for Kirk. And not the one from the starship Enterprise."

"What? Why? What?" Rory stumbled. Lorelai caught her before she fell. 

"Told you to sit down."

-end Ch. 17-

Hey, guess what? Yeah, the moment you've all been waiting for is coming in the next chapter. So I've got a few questions of you, the readers. Since (besides Luke and Lorelai) this story is for you.

1.) Should Luke and Lorelai make it into Luke's TEENY TINY bed, there are a few directions the story can go. Obviously, it's not gonna be smut b/c FF.net won't allow it, but I could either make it an R-rated scene, a la Body Heat, a PG-13 ish scene, like the Winona Ryder/Ethan Hawke tryst in Reality Bites (sorry I can't think of a better example) or I can cut away and just have IMPLICATIONS, like a 1940s movie. 

Now, I may ignore suggestions entirely, as it depends upon the place I'm in while I'm writing, but if everyone is vehemently against a certain way (I don't think anyone wants to read 'Luke kissed Lorelai and then they went to his teeny tiny bed because he never did buy a new one, and you know what happened next…') I'll certainly keep that in mind. 

Question 2) What is the meaning of life?

And finally, a statement of appreciation. I appreciate beyond the capacity to fully express myself how much so the comments and encouragement you guys have given me and this story. I've got an extra-special bonus for all of you at the end. Just hold on, b/c it'll be any moment now.


	18. The Soap Opera That Rinses Clean With No...

A/N:

I lied. You'll see why. Two more chapters to go, making it a nice and even 20. I appreciate all the feedback everyone's been giving, and taking the time to say what you like, what you don't, and for being patient. With the lack of new eps I haven't really been in a GG state of mind so it's taken a few extra cranks to get the writing going. But I've been productive in other areas! I repainted an old mirror, built a cabinet, ended world hunger....no, wait, sorry. All I've been doing is playing the Two Towers on Playstation. 

Sorry this is short. There was another scene but my beta reader convinced me the story would work better without it, so it was cut. Next chapter will have more weight to it.

Disclaimer (since I've forgotten this since ch. 1): Gilmore Girls is property of the WB and Amy Sherman-Palladino and a lot of other legal jargon. Rory, Lorelai, Luke, and all the rest ain't mine. But Legolas is mine. Or Aragorn. Can't decide. Brain overloaded with hormones!

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Ch. 18:  The Soap Opera That Rinses Clean With No Sticky Residue

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Jay had told Lorelai she was breaking up with Luke that night. In fact, Jay had acted out her whole 'the best way to phrase it' speech she'd made to Lorelai. When Lorelai walked into Luke's for her nightly cup of coffee, she tried to pretend like she knew nothing. Which, considering the fact that Lorelai had actually played the part of everyone's favorite flannel man during Jay's practice speech, was sort of a stretch. It was late, and there were only four other people in the diner, and Luke was refilling the coffee cup for one of them.

He didn't look sad, or heartbroken, or angry, or relieved, or anything. He looked like Luke, and Luke was never one to wear his expressions where others could see them.

Lorelai was not that kind of person. When Luke looked up and saw her, she couldn't keep the hopefulness from flashing across her face. But she did do her best to remove it within a second or so. Well, not so much remove it as duck her head and try to cover her face with her hair. 

Obviously, she had no future in acting, no matter how much her life seemed to resemble a soap opera. So Lorelai gave up trying and just slid into a seat at the counter. 

"Coffee?" Luke asked when he came back there.

Lorelai nodded. Luke was offering her coffee. Without telling her how it would one day kill her. There was weirdness afoot. 

Her mug was filled with her drug of choice and she absently thanked him. He nodded, put the pot back, and both pretended like it was an ordinary day. But Lorelai had learned moments before that she was no good at acting, and pretending was like acting, so she clattered her spoon on the counter and got Luke's attention.

"You okay?" she asked him, and with that one statement he knew that she knew.

Luke wanted to tell her it was none of her business. He settled for, "Yeah."

Lorelai nodded and drank her coffee. 

Thirty minutes, four cups of coffee, two pieces of cherry pie, and zero conversation later, Lorelai's cell phone rang. Luke scowled. Lorelai scowled right back.

"It's the future, so get used to it." She dug it out of her purse and answered.

"Hey, Lorelai. It's me. Jay. I shouldn't say 'me' because hell I could be anybody calling you." 

"Hi…you," Lorelai finally came up with. She didn't want to say Jay's name; who knew how Luke would react.

"You're probably wondering why I'm calling."

"Well, that thought did cross my mind but then it went away as I started thinking about cows." The annoyed expression on Luke's face became one of mild but accustomed curiosity. 

"Cows?" Even Jay's voice had curiosity. What, didn't anyone else think about cows? 

Lorelai attempted to shed light on her cow-obsessed brain. "Yeah. It always amazes me how they can balance those rotund bodies on spindly legs." 

Jay laughed. "Wait'll you see one jump. Funniest thing you'll ever see. But, let's get down to business."

"Business?" Maybe Jay was running a drug empire Lorelai wasn't aware of.

"Not really business. I've just always wanted to say that. But the point is: nothing's happening."

"What? How do you know? Are you psychic?"

"No. Miss Patty lent me her binoculars. Walk to the east window and wave."

Lorelai walked to the window. In the gazebo, she could see a shadowy figure.  "This is bordering on creepy," she informed Jay.

"Hey, I just want everything to turn out good. Like a Brady Bunch episode."

Before Lorelai could reply, she spotted another shadowy figure behind the first.  "Someone's behind you!" she warned Jay.

Then the second shadowy figure waved. Over the phone, she could hear, "Hi, Mom!"

"Rory?" Lorelai asked. 

"Yeah. We bumped into each other at the market earlier and I brought her up to date. Then we came up with a plan." Jay lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "A devious plan."

Lorelai didn't like the sound of that. "Devious? What the hell are you guys doing?"

"We're going to see a movie."

"That's your devious plan?"  
  


"Okay, so we were stretching the definition of devious—"

"Like Anna Nicole stretches pantyhose."

"We'll just be off, seeing the movie. So you know, Rory won't be home for at least two hours. Actually, we might just see the Two Towers again, as I have a mad crush on Merry-" Lorelai heard an excited squeal that sounded suspiciously like her daughter- "...so that's more like three hours." 

"Two hours and fifty-nine minutes," Lorelai corrected, a little surprised that she remembered that. And who the hell gets a crush on Merry? He screams like a girl. Lorelai had a sudden realization that Kirk also screams like a girl. Suddenly, the world was making a little more sense. 

"Maybe we'll get ice cream later, too." 

Lorelai heard another Rory-squeal. Damn Jay. First she nabbed Luke, and now she was working on Rory. Although she did give up Luke. Only he wasn't cooperating with their plan. So really, damn Luke.

"Okay, well have fun then."

"We will. Oh, and Lorelai?"  
  


"Yeah?"

"Sponge-worthy."

Jay hung up before Lorelai could respond to that. When she went back to the counter, the sponge-worthy man was still glowering at her.

"No cell phones."

"No customers," Lorelai pointed out. She was the only one in there.

"It bothers _me," Luke clarified._

Luke had given her a good jumping off point. She jumped. "Maybe that's not what's really bothering you." 

Luke sighed and gave up. "She told you, didn't she."

"Yeah." Lorelai played with the rim of her coffee cup for a while. "So what do you think?"

Luke put the towel he'd been wiping the counter with down. "What, suddenly I get a say in all this?"

Lorelai felt her stomach drop, and not in that romantic way, but in that I-left-the-house-with-no-pants-on way. The last time Luke had used that tone of voice had been in Jay's kitchen on Super Bowl Sunday. And the time before that had been when he was mad at her last summer. Lorelai was _not a fan of that tone._

"Of course you get a say."

"Then I say no. Or maybe later. But not tonight, and not tomorrow, and not in the immediate future am I gonna discuss anything with you unless it's about coffee or pie or hamburger or other diner things."

He stalked over to the tables and started flipping the chairs. Maybe it was a message for Lorelai to leave, since he was closing. If it was, she ignored it. She also ignored the way Luke was using way more force than necessary with the chairs. 

She swiveled in the stool to face him. "So, what does that mean? We're not even friends anymore?"

Luke dropped another chair onto a table. "No."

Lorelai tried not to roll her eyes. "No as in 'we're no longer friends' or no in that it doesn't mean we're not friends?"

He actually looked a little confused by all the negatives in the sentence. Then he clarified. "We're friends." 

"Jeez, try not to sound so thrilled about it." Lorelai picked up her mug, only to discover she'd finished all her coffee. There was no way in hell she'd ask him for a refill with the spectacular mood he was in. Might as well just go on pressing the issue now, instead of irritating him little by little, day by day. She couldn't live long without coffee, after all. "So are you still friends with Jay?"

By the way his shoulders tensed, Lorelai could tell he didn't want to answer her. But she also knew that he was quite aware of her unbelievable persistence, and when his shoulders relaxed again, it meant he'd rather give in now than suffer through the Lorelai Gilmore interrogation process. 

"Yeah, she did that 'let's still be friends' thing."

"Oh. Good. 'Cause you know, that always works."

Luke banged the last chair on the table top. "Look, is there some kind of point you're trying to drive to? Because why don't you just get it out now and spare me some time."

Fine. He wanted blunt, she could give him blunt. "How come we're not making out and clawing at each other on the counter by now?"

Yep. Luke look like she'd hit him with a blunt object in the back of the head. 

"I have my reasons," he finally said, after a long pause in which Lorelai was certain he'd been imagining that very scenario. Which only confused her even more. If he wanted it, then why wasn't he just doing it? That's how she did things. See, Want, Get. It was easy. The opposite of difficult, which Luke was being.

Maybe she could get him to elaborate. "Are you going to fill me in on them, or are they secret?"

There weren't any chairs left for him to flip, which left him with nothing to do but answer her question or ignore her. Just when Lorelai thought he'd be ignoring, he spoke up.

"I managed my life all by myself for years and I did fine, and now I have two women dictating to me. I don't need it, Lorelai, and I don't want it. So I'm sorry if I don't follow your orders, or Jay's orders."

Lorelai's face fell, and she was surprised to realize how close she was to tears. "Nobody's ordering you around."

"Both of you think this is all neat and tidy. Shuffling partners like it's some kind of square dance," Luke pointed out, and Lorelai bit back the urge to ask him why he knew about square dancing. "I like Jay. Hell, I love her, and maybe it's not the kind of love that keeps pulling my heart out, stomping on it, then putting it back, but she made me happy."

"I can make you happy," Lorelai said, and she hated the sound of her own voice. Timid and desperate and more than anything else, pathetic.

"I know you can," Luke admitted, and Lorelai wanted to ask what the problem was then. But Luke wasn't a man of many words that weren't part of angry rants, and he looked like he had more that he wanted to say, so she kept her mouth shut. 

He ran his hand through his hair then readjusted his baseball hat. Finally, he came out with it. "But how many other guys did you make happy before you crushed them?"

Lorelai wasn't expecting that. "You want a number?"

Luke sighed. "No. That was rhetorical. Look what you did to Max. You're not safe."

Luke wasn't being vituperative. He was just pointing out the truth. And she knew it. Lorelai nodded. "I see your point. And I can't guarantee that I won't end up hurting you. But I think it's worth taking a chance. Don't you?"

Luke didn't say anything, and it was worse than any answer he could have given her. 

Lorelai took a deep breath and was surprised to realize she could still breathe .Of course, it was all shaky and hitchy, but it was still fresh air. Unfortunately, she was breathing air that smelled like Luke because he was only ten inches away and he smelled good. She took a step back.

"Okay, well then, thanks for your honesty. I'll just be going now, because believe it or not, I don't feel like having coffee anymore, but you know, I'll probably be back here tomorrow. 'Cause I live here. Well, not here in this diner but I live in this town and I'll be bound to run into you from time to time. So that'll be fun." Lorelai took another breath because her words had come out in a rush. There was no Luke smell, and she was grateful. 

Maybe, after a day or a week or some other unit of time, she would be able to look at him without her chest feeling like Dumbo had mistaken it for a stool. Maybe she'd get over him. After all, she'd kept her feelings hidden from even herself for so long, she could probably do it again. Lock them away somewhere and then lose the key. She was quite good at losing things. Remote controls, cordless telephones, sanity, and Luke. 

Lorelai put her hand on the door, knowing the breakfasts and dinners to come would be some of the hardest. "Yeah, so I'll be seeing you." She opened the door. "Around," she clarified, because she wasn't 'seeing' Luke as in 'dating' Luke,  that was the whole problem. "Seeing you around," she repeated, and walked out the door.

Luke watched the door shut, saw her through the window as she disappeared into the night.  He turned his back, and almost dropped the cup he'd been holding when he saw Jess lurking in the doorway to the kitchen. Jess hadn't been upstairs earlier; he'd probably come in the back door. Luke made a mental note to lock it, in an effort to prevent future heart attack inducing situations.

"What are you doing here?"

Jess held up a plate. "Stealing pie."

Luke knew Jess had probably heard the whole thing, so he didn't bother asking him how long he'd been standing there. "Don't say anything. Just go."

Jess stabbed the pie with his fork and shoveled a huge bite into his mouth. Then he pointed the fork at Luke, and with a mouthful of half-masticated cherries said, "You're an idiot."

Then the damn kid had the nerve to disappear up the stairs before Luke had thought of something to say back to him. Luke decided that the next time the opportunity presented itself, he'd push Jess in the lake again.  

-end chapter 18-

Damn Luke wasn't being cooperative in this chapter. He kept denying me coffee until I agreed not to make him such a pushover. Bottom line: Blame Luke! Or El Nino, whichever you prefer.

And for my random meaning of life question from the previous chapter, give yourself a gold star if you said 42. Yay Douglas Adams! Too bad he's dead. And a gold star to you if you actually took the time to write an insightful belief. Go you for being deep!

Random observation: Boromir's cloak looks like they made it out of drapes. (Sorry- I got the extended edition DVD for Christmas so I'm all in LotR mode. My favorite part is when Legolas walks on the snow. He's like an elfy Jesus.)


End file.
